Things You Shouldn't Mix
by aplacefarawayfromhere
Summary: When we thought it was all over, Snape had to go and ruin our lives again. Now we have a year round potions project, two infuriated Slytherins, and people wondering about Harry's bean problem.
1. When Snape Ruins Lives

Disclaimer:

JKR: I can't believe you started another story.

Me: Well I did.

JKR: Well, I have enough trouble keeping you away from stealing my story in your other fanfiction.

Me: So?

JKR: So stop.

Me: I can't.

JKR: Why not?

Me: Because of the coffee you gave me an hour ago.

JKR: Oh. That coffee.

So anyways, anything that JKR gets rich off of is not mine.

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**Author's note: Well, this is my second fanfic. I hope you like it. I made sure the beginning was better than my last fic. Anyway, this story is based on the winner of the reviewer's poll. Hope you like it!**

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"Can you please get over it, Ron?" I asked exasperated.

"Get over what? There's nothing to get over," replied Ron through gritted teeth and a mouth full of potatoes.

Harry looked at him and shook his head before he continued to work on his meat.

It was currently the worst day ever. It was Monday in the third week of October, and we had just finished going through the murder/psychotic/horror movie that most people like to refer to as Snape's class. Harry, Ron, and I were in our last year at Hogwarts, so naturally Snape would come up with more creative ways to shorten our life expectancy, and it was working quite well. The work itself wasn't too overbearing. Since I was Hermione Granger, things came a lot easier too me. But what happened on this particular day gave the Gryffindors, or any other house for that matter, a stroke and the sudden need to dig their graves a few decades early.

It had happened only two hours ago. Snape had just walked in, and I was waiting for an explanation from him. There were no directions on the board. Usually, you would have to wait until he subtracts points from our house because of something Neville did before we could start. Yes, he was in this class. He wanted a career centered around Herbology, so potion brewing with plants was a necessity if you didn't want to die before your 30th birthday.

My attention was put back on track once Snape tapped his wand on the board rather loudly. Neat, white letters of instruction appeared on the board. Unfortunately, no one was happy with them.

"Project!" groaned Ron.

"Yes a project Mr. Weasley. Five points from Gryffindor for blurting," replied Snape coldly.

"Damn it."

"Sir, Weasley just used inappropriate language in an institute of higher learning," declared Malfoy.

I glared at him. Gosh, you'd think that him and Snape had planned the torture they were putting us through. I've always wondered what crawled up Malfoy's ass and died.

"Minus another five points Weasley."

"Da-."

"Don't you dare," warned Harry before Ron could blurt out again. Harry currently had his wand on Ron's side, and it looked dangerously close to piercing his skin.

Ron just pouted and sat back in his seat.

"Now," Snape started. "Since you are my N.E.W.T level class, I am expecting a project done by the end of this year. Presentations will be at the beginning of June. It will be added to your final exam that you will definitely be taking at the end of this year. Now, I shall put you in random groups. When you're in your groups, you will have a whole year to invent a potion. The required elements in this project are the potion ingredients, how much time it takes to simmer, heat, etc, the properties, and everything that I strongly recommend you know about potion making if you don't want to fail this class. You have the rest of this class to brainstorm."

"That was quick," I whispered to Harry as Snape walked into his back room.

"Yeah," agreed Ron. "Usually he has to ruin our self esteem a good bit before having fun with himself in the back room."

Harry made a face.

Ron looked sheepish. "That sounded dirty didn't it?"

Harry smiled. "Yeah, sort of."

I shook my head. "How can you two honestly think that way all the time?"

"Um, puberty?" they answered in unison.

I cringed and decided to change the subject. "How are we supposed to know who our partners ar- never mind don't answer that question."

A small sheet of parchment had appeared in front of everyone in the classroom.

I immediately picked mine up and scanned it. The list said that Harry, Ron and I were in a group along with BlaiseZabini, Malfoy, and Susan Bones. This was slightly ironic in a very disturbing way.

"Wow, Snape must not have made the list if we're all in a group together," Harry said in amazement.

"You'd think that he would've separated us," I added.

"Before or after he maimed us?" asked Ron with a grumble. "It would've been a lot easier for him."

"What are you so upset about? We're all in a group together," I asked.

"It's a year round project, Hermione!" exclaimed Ron. "It's like you and your obsession with house elves. It's going to be hanging over our heads for the rest of the year!"

I kicked him for the house elves comment.

"Ow."

"Plus, who we're with is going to be a bigger stick up our butts than Ron is," Harry added.

Ron hit him for that comment.

"Ow!"

"You deserved it."

"Okay, stop you two! So are we moving towards them or not?" I asked frustrated while pointing to our group of Slytherins.

"No!" they replied in unison.

"Fine," I sighed while getting out my parchment.

I spent the rest of the period brainstorming by myself while Harry and Ron were talking about Dumbledore possibly serving rice pudding for lunch. And since we are at lunch with no pudding, Harry, Ron, and I were feeling kind of depressed.

When I finally came out of my thoughts, Ron was still ranting. "He's so getting put into Azkaban for this- sorry Harry."

"Don't worry about it mate," replied Harry.

Last year, the battle between him and Voldemort had taken place. Lupin was lost, along with Charlie Weasley and other friends we had made before that battle. Of course, Harry had won, with a little help, surprisingly, from Neville. And now, since Harry no longer had a long list of people who wanted to kill him, angst didn't get to him like it used to. He seemed more whole and happy with himself.

So this year, he decided to have some fun, because there was nothing life threatening or emotional happening any time soon.

"I think we should start on our potion today," I suggested.

"Ew, why?" asked Ron as he tried to steal my chicken.

I slapped his hand and replied, "I want to start today, Ron. If we finish early, we'll have the remaining time left to dowhatever we want to do. Plus, I don't plan on pulling an all nighter and looking like a burnt raisin the next morning."

"We should," Harry agreed. "C'mon Ron. Susan won't mind."

"Harry!" whined Ron.

I looked at them confused for a second before what Harry said clicked. "I knew it! You liked her ever since that one time she punched you in the stomach."

"He likes everyone who punches him."

"Shut up, Harry. If I liked every one who committed an act of violence against me, I'd be in love with all the men in my family and Malfoy."

Harry cringed. "And I thought I had gotten rid of my nightmares. Thank you, Ronald."

I shook my head at their antics just as I felt something pop into my hand. "I think I just got a note."

"Maybe it's my love note that I forgot to give you when you kicked me last week," Ron said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes and opened it.

'_We're working on the potion in the library after dinner idiots._'

I blinked a couple of times before looking up. "See, even Malfoy agrees with me."

"Well, then hell has officially frozen over."

"Shut up, Ron. We're working on it today," I said in my bossy voice.

"Do we have to?" Ron whined.

"Well, unless you want us to say something to Susan…"

"Okay, I'll go. Geez, you'd think the Potions Project was a freakin' birthday cake."

……………………………………………………………………………………

After Charms, Tranfiguration, and dinner, Harry and I headed to the library with Ron in tow. He was limited to two emotions at the moment. Whenever Harry mentioned Susan, he'd perk up, and five minutes later, he would get really irritated.

Plus, he whined all the way to the table Blaise, Draco, and Susan were sitting at. They picked a spot way in the back of the library. I guess they new we would be arguing within five minutes as well.

"Hi, Susan," greeted Ron.

Susan smiled back.

"You're quite the prompt one, Granger. It's ten minutes past dinner," informed Malfoy.

"Well, I'm sorry if you didn't specify a time, Malfoy," I retorted before sitting down.

Harry and Ron followed suit.

What proceeded after that was the staring. Yep. The long and really annoying staring.

"So, any ideas?" I asked without thinking.

"You mean you're going to be civil?" asked Zabini.

"Well, unless you want to argue-."

"Shut up, Potter. I wasn't asking you."

"So Susan…"

"Okay, stop," I said putting my hand down on the table. "We want to finish fast. And when we finish a few months from now, we're going to not speak to each other ever again until our reunion when Malfoy would have eventually grown bald."

Draco touched his hair with a look of horror on his hair. "Figures you'd want to get this over with," he muttered. He then took an apple out of his bag and started munching rather loudly. "Mabre yourg huyt own ald voo."

"What?"

"He said maybe you'd have grown bald too," translated Zabini.

"Whatever. Anyway, I have a couple of books that I think can help us form a…"

"So you're actually going to be civil then?" asked Malfoy repeating Zabini's question.

"Form a sufficient and maybe even an extr-."

"Are you?"

"Extraordinary potion in the least amount of t-."

"Answer the damn question."

That was it.

I don't know what came over me, but the apple was sitting within arms reach of me, and he had that smart aleck look about him, and I was just really pissed off. I took the apple and threw it at his stomach.

Harry snorted. "Well that wasn't put on my day planner."

Malfoy took out his wand more enraged than I was. "Accio Hogwarts: A History."

I gaped as it flew over to him. "Give that back."

He looked at me mockingly. "Why?" He then proceeded to open the book. "Wow, this is interesting. Look, Blaise, it's about the stairs."

Rip.

I gaped at him. "Stop."

Rip.

"Stop it!"

"Oh, look, the bewitched ceiling."

Rip.

Oh, that was definitely it!

He had really infuriated me.

While he was ripping my pages, I grabbed for my purse.

"Um, Hermione?" asked Harry timidly.

I started rummaging through it for anything pointy and dangerous looking. I was out to kill.

"Did you know you were a-?"

Oh look. Hand sanitizer.

"Witch?"

By the time Harry had asked me that question, I squirted every last drop the hand sanitizer all over Malfoy's uniform. I made sure I got his Slytherin crest extra soaked. He was too shocked to do anything. I heard a chair being shoved aside, and I assumed it was Susan leaving the library.

I looked to my side to get Zabini when I saw tissues scattered everywhere.

"Did you through my whole pack, Ron?"

"Yes," he replied sheepishly.

"Well, I have another one you can use."

"Alright."

"Inflamara."

I turned back to the right with a snap. "You did not just burn my book, Malfoy!"

"Inflamara!"

"That was my robe!" yelled Harry while stepping frantically on the small fire.

Once the fire was out, Harry grabbed his basic potions ingredient kit and started throwing dead scarabs at Zabini and Malfoy.

"I didn't do anything!" yelled Zabini while trying to protect himself with the tissues. He then grabbed a gel bottle from his bag and tried to throw the contents of it on Harry, but it only ended up hitting Ron.

Ron responded by taking some of the gel and rubbing it on Zabini's robes.

"Those were expensive!" yelled Zabini.

"Like I care!" retorted Ron.

Zabini then lunged at him and tried to shove a muffin into his mouth. While I was wondering where he got the muffin, Ron was trying to keep breathing while putting gel in Zabini's ear. He then wet his clean finger and put it in Zabini's other ear.

"Ew!"

"The next one is going in your armpit!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

While that was going on, I had found a rubber band. I was stretching it behind my back while Harry was throwing an inkbottle at Malfoy.

When I was ready I yelled, "Move Harry!"

He darted out of the way, and I aimed and fired.

"Ow! My eye! I'm blind! No one will love me. I won't even have an heir!" Malfoy yelled while covering his face.

"I can help with that," whispered Harry before kicking him below the belt.

Malfoy went down in pain immediately. Unfortunately, he landed right on the apple I had thrown at him. So Malfoy gathered his strength and threw the apple at Harry's head hard enough to knock him out.

While Harry was on the floor, I suddenly had an idea. It would be perfect. I looked over at Ron. He was choking on a muffin and Zabini was hitting him on the side with a rubber snake. It's kind of scary that he carries those things around with him all day. Anyway, Ron was almost out cold, which was good. I looked at Malfoy on the floor. He would recover soon enough.

I smiled to myself before letting out the biggest scream. Madame Pince was sure to hear that. I then neatly lay myself in an awkward position on the floor just as I heard the librarian's shrill scream.

By the time she got there, Malfoy had gotten up (his eye was fine if only slightly red), and Zabini was still hitting Ron with the snake.

"What is the meaning of this?"

As if on cue, Harry let out a load groan.

"That's it! All of you to the hospital wing."

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Dumbledore had come in about thirty minutes after we had reached the hospital wing. Harry and I were still faking our pain, and Ron really didn't have to try that much. Madame Pince had also explained her side of the story. My plan had worked out perfectly. She thought that Malfoy and Zabini had been trying to knock Harry, Ron, and me out.

"What happened, students?" asked Dumbledore in his calm voice.

"Well sir," started Malfoy. "There was an apple…um, hand crap and gel…a rubber snake-."

"That the Zabini boy was hitting Weasley with," interjected Madame Pince.

"Then their were tissues…and the apple came back…and that stupid rubber band….uh, it's really not sounding logical is it?" asked Malfoy once he noticed the confused stares.

"Maybe Zabini should explain, sir," suggested Snape from the corner.

"Well," started Zabini. "There was um, a muffin…and scarabs were being thrown at the scented tissues…a lot of things were being put in my ear, like Weasley's finger…and yeah, Weasley's finger made me."

Yes, they fell right into it. There was no way they could explain without the situation sounding totally ludicrous.

"Right. And Potter's ink bottle and Granger's elastic did the trick," added Malfoy.

"Yeah, and the apple."

"And the book with the kicking Granger was doing."

"And Weasley ate my muffin!" accused Zabini.

"And that stupid rubber band," grumbled Malfoy.

"Plus, Weasley threatened my armpits!"

"Mmrrmmmmggh"

"Oh good, Weasley's awake," declared Madame Pomfrey before rushing to his side.

I still kept my eyes closed while I heard Harry let out a grunt of pain.

"Be patient, Potter. I'll be there in a minute," scolded Madame Pomfrey.

"Excuse me, but what you boys are saying is, Weasley threatened your armpits with an apple, and a rubber band and scarabs were being flung into Malfoy's scented tissues?" asked McGonagall incredulously.

"No, Weasley threatened my armpits with his finger," explained Blaise.

"So," continued McGonagall. "Weasley ate your muffin, threatened you with his finger, and you fought back by hitting him with a rubber snake?"

"You made Weasley eat your muffin?" interrupted Malfoy with a snort.

"Well, since this is so amusing to you Mr. Malfoy, do you care to repeat what happened to you?" asked McGonagall with a raised eyebrow.

I decided to open my eyes then. I had to bare witness to his explanation.

"Mrhuyghmr," I groaned. "Is the hand sanitizer gone?"

"Granger, eat the chocolate while I tend to Weasley," instructed Madame Pomfrey.

"Hand sanitizer, Miss Granger?" asked McGonagall.

Just for effect, I dramatically added, "He stole my ink bottle…and the apple…and my tissues, my beautiful scented tissues."

"What does she mean, Malfoy?" asked McGonagall with her stern voice.

"First of all, that was my apple, and those scented tissues were protecting Blaise from scarabs, and that ink bottle was spilled on me!" he said frantically.

"Well, at least you didn't catch on fire," said Harry sarcastically. He always had good timing.

"You caught him on fire?" asked McGonagall with the biggest look of disbelief on her face.

"Well, yes, but…I'm in trouble for that comment aren't I?"

"Detention for two weeks. It should be more, but Professor Snape suggested otherwise."

"Does that include Zabini?" asked Malfoy.

"Yes."

"Why'd you have to drag me into it?" whined Zabini.

"You were hitting Mr. Weasley with a rubber snake," said a scandalized McGonagall.

"It's not like it killed him," mumbled Zabini under his breath.

Ron groaned again.

"Will you stop doing that!" yelled Zabini.

"He's not doing it intentionally," said Madame Pomfrey.

McGonagall looked at Zabini and Malfoy. "Your detention is with Mr. Filch tomorrow."

Both of them nodded before leaving for their dorms.

To me, justice had been served. No one messes with my books.

"How did this happen? In my library by the way," asked a frustrated Madame Pince.

"Proof…Sna…Pro-ec," coughed out Ron.

"Would you care to repeat that Mr. Weasley?" asked Dumbledore.

I sat up slowly. "Potions project," I replied for him.

"I should have guessed," mumbled McGonagall.

"Stop talking girl, sleep," commanded Madame Pomfrey.

I nodded and slowly sunk back into my bed. Harry did the same, and Ron was asleep because of the Potion he had been given.

When the teachers thought we were asleep, they started talking.

"I can't believe it," Madame Pince whispered.

"Something like this was bound to happen. However, no major harm had come to anyone," whispered Dumbledore.

"Who put that group together anyway?" asked McGonagall.

There was a moment of silence.

"I did," replied Snape.

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**Author's note: So how was that? I hope some reviewers from my other story have thought about this fic. Anyway, read and review. Criticism is accepted as long as it is constructive. Hope you stick by for next chapter.**


	2. Stupid Revenge Plans

Disclaimer:

Oliver: How come I'm never in your story.

Me: Because there's no reason for you.

Oliver: But I'm hotter than Malfoy!

Me: Not by my standards. Plus, Malfoy is better.

Oliver: That's not what you said last night.

Me: Okay, we're stopping now.

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Okay, thanks to all my reviewers. I want to get this up as fast as possible. So no individual thanks, but I love you all.

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"Stupid mudblood…stupid rubber band…stupid Snape," I grumbled.

"Whoa, stupid Snape? There is no such thing, Draco," Blaise said while descending his ladder.

"Well, he is the one who put our 'group' together," I said between clenched teeth.

Blaise and I had to clean the whole library all of this week. Filch, the filthy bastard, said that our detention would be worse next week. That Pince lady insisted on us cleaning her dirty library first. It was nauseating and tedious and a complete waste of my time.

"So, you actually trusted the Mudblood when she told us today," asked Blaise climbing another ladder. He had to clean those awful shelves that I'm sure Granger had sneezed on sometime in her life.

"No, but I talked to Professor Snape. He said it was true."

Blaise stopped cleaning. "Why is he doing this to us? Do you realize that half of the decent female population will actually start to find Goyle appealing, because we're becoming losers by association?"

"That's what I tried to hammer down into his scull. He just said that he thought the pairing would be amusing," I replied.

"Amusing? Amusing would be Potter losing a Quidditch match. Amusing would be Granger going out with Longbotttom. Amusing is not the cruel and unusual punishment that half the staff decided to put us through!"

"Calm down Zabini. We're both in Slytherin. And what do evil Slytherins do best?"

"Terrorize first year Hufflepuffs."

"Well yes, but no."

"Get all the girls?"

"That gift, like you said, wasn't given to all of us."

"Then what?"

"What have we discussed before Zabini. Revenge! We get revenge on those gits!" I said. I'm pretty sure I had the maniacal gleam in my eye.

"How?"

My smirk dropped. "We still need to brainstorm that."

Blaise's smirk dropped. "You're not allowed to get me all hyped up and then drop the news that we actually have to work on it."

"You would've said no to at least one aspect of my plan if I was the only one who made it up," I retorted.

"Yeah, but I have a right to get mad either way," reminded Blaise.

I thought about this. "Right. So…what's your idea?"

"The only thing I have in my head right now is blast them into next year, but I guess that's only a comfort thought," replied Blaise.

"You're right. Hmm…we could find out who they like and then do some relationship ruining."

"Draco, do we really have to resort to that?"

"Blaise, I'm utterly appalled that you don't want to ruin a relationship. It's the only thing we have. We can make the rest up on the way."

"Okay, so who's love life do we mess up?" asked Blaise nonchalantly.

"Potter's?"

"He's too hard to figure out."

"Granger's."

"As much as I want to, she's managed to keep her love life hidden for the past few years. The only time we knew who she fancied was when she showed up with her dates at a Ball."

"Well, Weasley is the only one left."

There was a slight pause.

"Of course, why haven't I thought about that before?" asked Blaise while running his hand through his hair. He looked like he was beating himself up mentally.

"Do you know something I don't know," I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," Blaise started with a smirk. "He has a thing for that Bones girl."

"The one we're working with?"

"How many other Bones girls do you know?"

"I didn't even know there was a Bones girl!"

"Fine, okay," Blaise said to keep from arguing further. "Hmm…just knowing that Weaskey likes her will probably give her a good heart attack."

There was a long pause after that. We had to plan this perfectly. I want Weasley's relationship ruined, and I want him to suffer some public humiliation. C'mon, this should be easy Draco. Hmm… what would Granger not do? Probably not a whole lot. Maybe… I've got it.

…………………………………..

My plan was ready just in time for Halloween. It was brilliant beyond the imagination. It was everything that I've worked my ass off for. It would never fail, and it will never be executed if Blaise doesn't get up. I'm still wondering how he's gotten immune to my kicking.

"Get up!"

Kick.

"C'mon Zabini!"

Kick.

"Get up!"

"Not until I find my bunny slippers. Draco hates bunnies."

I rolled my eyes and kicked him again. "Damn right I hate bunnies. Now get up."

"Shh! Herbert and Fluffy will hear you."

"GET UP!"

Before I could kick him again, Blaise opened his eyes lazily.

"What are you doing on my bed Draco?"

Just for the heck of it, I kicked him again.

"Ow! I'm already up!"

"I thought so. Do you have the note?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?"

"Why don't you ask Herbert and Fluffy?"

"Who's that?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Never mind. Anyways, I have my copy of the note. Make sure to drop it near a Hufflepuff."

"No freakin' duh Draco. I'm not stupid. What about phase two?"

"Phase two?"

"You don't have a phase two?"

"I didn't know we were supposed to have one."

Blaise grabbed a pillow and hit me.

I kicked him again.

Blaise sighed agitated. "You're always supposed to have a phase two."

I furrowed my brow for a minute. "I do have a phase two."

"That's g-."

"I just can't tell you until it happens."

"Draco-."

"Okay, Blaise, breakfast just started and-."

"Breakfast started only five minutes ag-."

"We need to drop the note somewhere, remember."

"Fine, just let me find my clothes first."

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Harry, Ron, and I were currently sitting at the Gryffindor table talking about the inevitable. Right now, we knew we were getting off easy. It didn't take a genius to figure out what might happen.

"Because they're dirty Slytherin bastards Hermione!"

"Ron-."

"No, don't Ron me. You know that they won't stand by for what we did to them," Ron said stabbing at his food yet again.

"He's right Hermione. If we know Draco Malfoy-."

"Which we don't."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Fine. We know him and the whole Slytherin population well enough to know that vengeance is in their logo."

"Actually, it really is," pointed out Ron.

"Really?" asked Harry.

"Yeah. It was written in Latin so know one bothered to look it up, but-."

"We're off topic," I pointed out.

"Right."

"So anyways," I started. "I was thinking that if they do counter attack, then we could-."

"I thought you didn't want to attack Malfoy," said Ron grinning.

I looked at him with mock surprise. "I always want to attack Malfoy. I just didn't see the point until Harry so passionately stated his side of the argument."

"Ooo, Harry. You passionately stated something," cooed Ron.

"I know. I seem to be passionately stating a lot of things lately. So what was your plan H-?"

"AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

I turned around startled. "I think Macmillan took his shirt off again."

"Please. He's not even that good looking."

Ron and I turned to look at Harry.

Harry looked back indignantly. "Not that I would know or anything."

"Susan, who wrote that?" asked the highly pitched voice of Hannah Abbot.

"I don't know. Do you know how to do a decipher spell?' asked Hannah airily.

"What's that?" chorused Hannah's group of girls.

"Wait. I know who to ask…"

This set off red flags and alarms in my head. I am not helping her out with this. A simple decipher spell could help her find whoever wrote the note. She could go ask Malfoy for all I cared.

"Hermione."

I plastered a smile on my face. "Yes."

"I need you to help me…umm…find who wrote me this note," she said shoving the paper in my face.

I took it politely and opened it. Hey, this handwriting looks familiar. In fact, it looked like an exact copy of three people I know very well.

Who do you like?

What do you mean?

Umm…who do you like?

Uh…no one.

Honestly! It's always someone.

Why'd you give her the note?

Because I wanted to. Now stop evading the question.

I know, right.

Okay fine….

Couldn't you have just written the name before passing this to me?

I know right?

Shut up. I like Susan okay. Susan Bones.

Why?

Same question as above.

Because…I like her?

Well duh.

We're not stupid. You apparently are though.

What do you mean?

She's a slut.

No she isn't.

Come back to the light. The Light. THE LIGHT.

I am in the light. The light is Susan.

Ew.

Shut up.

I don't like her. She's kind of ditzy, if you know what I mean.

No, I don't know.

THE LIGHT. It is waiting to except you again child. THE LIGHT.

You know the definition of ditzy.

Yeah, and she doesn't fit it.

I'm chanting for you man. I'm supporting you through your madness.

After I finished reading, I looked up at her kind of shocked. This reminds me of something.

"Okay Susan. I'll work on this for you."

Her eyes brightened up. "Will you Hermione? Thank you! I really want to know who called me a slut. Plus, some one likes me!"

I tried to squeal with her. "That's great. I'll tell you at the feast tonight."

She squealed in delight again. Susan is a sweet girl, but the squealing has got to stop.

Ron immediately grabbed for the note so he could figure out who liked her and then beat the guy up and give him to Goyle for supper. While he was reading, Harry asked, "Umm… Hermione. You could have just told her who it was there and then."

I nodded. "I know. This note looks familiar though."

"How?"

"Look at the handwriting."

"I can come up with a better retort than shut up!" exclaimed Ron randomly. He quickly hid the note when people started looking in our direction.

"It's in our handwriting?" asked Harry while grabbing for the note.

"Yeah."

"Ow, Harry. Paper cut."

Harry snorted before saying, "Wow, that is our handwriting."

Ron nodded, completely forgetting his paper cut. "Well, yeah. And it's a note we wrote sometime last year."

"You remember that far back?" I asked surprised.

"I'm not stupid, Hermione," was his reply.

"Why am I telling Ron to go towards the light?" asked Harry in confusion.

"If I remember correctly, you were really writing about the kitchens," I said grabbing the note again.

"Why?" asked the boys in unison.

"I was calling Parkinson the slut. You two wanted to prank her last year, remember? Whoever wrote this note changed a lot of the wording and the names," I said examining further.

"How did whoever wrote that note know we wrote the original?" asked Harry.

"Because I gave the note to Ron and Ron-."

"I lost it. Get over it." Ron said crossing his arms.

"Someone got it last year. I just don't remember who did."

"Well, you need to," said Harry before getting up for our weekly visit to Hagrid's.

………………………………………………………………………………

"Well 'ermione. Yer really got yerself deep in this one," Hagrid commented after sitting down for tea.

"I was trying to save us," I defended.

"You could've stopped him from hitting me with that rubber snake," Ron grumbled.

I ignored him. "Anyway, we think this note is the start of his plan. I know he has a phase two somewhere around the corner."

"Do Slytherins even have phase twos?" asked Harry.

"If they don't, then they're stupid," concluded Ron.

"What er you gonna do 'bout it?" asked Hagrid while scratching his beard.

I almost raised my hand on instinct. "We can't really prank them outright just in case it wasn't them."

After my last comment, you could hear hyperventilating and the dropping of spoons behind me.

"What's goin' on 'Arry?"

He stopped mock hyperventilating long enough to answer. "Hermione (heave) wants to (gasp) prank some one."

Ron was shaking violently. "And she admits it openly."

I rolled my eyes. "Will you two quit it? It's kind of a natural instinct for me to have the urge to live you know?"

Harry and Ron settled down and started drinking their tea again.

What could we do to counter attack Draco Malfoy and friend. Like I said, we can't prank them outright. That's like putting a wound in seawater. We need to think strategically. What would Draco Malfoy do? Probably a whole heck of a lot. Maybe we should…I've got it!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Later that day, I found myself in the common room waiting for Harry and Ron. Honestly, they spend more time primping then I do. The plan had to be put into action now. The feast starts in- hey they're here.

"If you forgot the joke bag I promise you I'll-."

"No need to get mad Hermione," said Harry putting his hands up for defense. "We have everything. Don't worry. Malfoy will literally have his head up his ass after we're done."

I grinned. And the-.

"STOP HITTING ME!"

"Let me in!"

"Go ask your own common room!"

I rolled my eyes and went to go open the portrait. Honestly, can't other houses wait until their friends are out of the common room?

"Maybe you should stick your singing voice right up your-."

"Susan." I greeted after opening the portrait.

"Hermione, hi," she greeted a little sheepishly.

"What do you need?"

She frowned. "Why did Ron write this about me?"

I gave a genuine look of confusion. "What are you talking about?"

She gave me a suspicious look before violently opening a folded note from her pocket. "I hate her. She should go and flush herself down Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. Maybe Crabbe might want a go at her. He's the only one she's good enough for. Well, Draco Malfoy might want a go at her too."

At this, more red flags went off. Draco Malfoy did this, and I just had my proof. He always has to mention himself some way or another. Well, it wasn't hard evidence, but it was still good. Now he was really going to get it.

…………………………………………………………

We arrived at the feast normally but cautiously. We couldn't take the chance of being caught off guard ever. Ron kept his hand in the pocket of his robes to make sure what we were going to do wasn't going to be detected or ruined.

"Did you give Dobby the stuff?" I asked for the 50th time.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Of course we gave Dobby the stuff. I don't think he minds much about screwing Malfoy over."

"Okay, that's good."

"You know, you're really jinxing it, Hermione. All your worries will come true if you don't shut up," warned Ron.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, where's Zabini?"

"They're both not here," Harry replied while looking at the Slytherin table.

"Hey Susa- OOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! What was that for?" yelled Ron, holding his face. Susan had just slapped him.

"Do you really want to know?" she asked, her eyes blazing more than Ron's hair.

"Well-."

"You called me a whore! No one has ever called me a-."

"Okay, break it up. No need for this during a Halloween feast," said Madame Hooch as she was walking by.

Susan glared as Ron stared in confusion before we parted ways.

When we sat down, Ron was more than just a little mad. "Who could have come up with this? I don't even know what I did? I also have a sneaking suspicion that she doesn't know what I did either."

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "I told you on the way over here. Malfoy is the prime suspect, and he's trying to ruin a relationship. In my opinion, his plan was pretty weak. I'd give it about a three."

"Well, I'd rather it be weak than have it wreck havoc on what's left of my dignity," Ron grumbled.

"Hey, there's Malfoy," Harry declared.

"Alright, give me the spray. Watch for Zabini, Harry. Hurry up, Ron!" I said while jumping to my feet.

"Okay, no need to have a cow," Ron said while handing me a 'perfume' as we like to call it.

I nodded and headed towards the door. When I was halfway there, Zabini walked in, and Harry cast a first year sticky feet spell. It would wear off by the time I got to him.

As I got there, he was about to yell out for Draco. In return, I clamped my hand over his mouth. "I need to talk to you," I whispered before dragging him out.

"Granger, I hope you weren't the one who stuck my feet to the floor just so you could talk to me," he said with a raised eyebrow outside the Great Hall.

"No, that was a Ravenclaw, and I seriously need to talk to you," I said evenly.

"I don't think I should be concerned with-."

"Hermione, why'd you drag Zabini out here?" asked Ron as he walked out of the Great Hall. I know this is totally off subject, but Ron really can act, which is weird, because that's about the only thing he can do.

Zabini couldn't wait to retort. "What can I say? I'm charming, attractive, good-looking, hot. Even the joke of a girl over here would think so."

As Ron started an argument, I sprayed the 'perfume' on his butt. This was going to be so much fun.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Before the feast started, I was left here alone with Crabbe and Goyle and no Blaise. What gave Granger the need to drag him out there? Wow, if she finds him attractive, it will be all over the Slytherin Common room tonight and all over the school tomorrow.

After another couple of minutes, Blaise came in. As he sat down, the petty excuse for food was served. I took a sip of my drink before asking, "What did Granger need?"

"Well, I didn't find out since Weasel interrupted. It seemed important," replied Blaise nonchalantly.

"So why didn't she tell you when Weasel left?"

"Because weasel didn't leave."

"Oh."

"So, do you have it in his drink?"

"Of course. He's drinking his pumpkin juice like he'd just visited a desert."

I took a sip of my drink. "When is it going to work?"

"Right now," smirked Blaise.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

As I was walking back from our conversation, I made sure to spray every Gryffindor's butt. When they asked what I was doing, I simply told them Slytherin payback, so they gave me their consent pretty easily. At one point, I had to tell people to pass the bottle around so I wouldn't look suspicious. Just the thought of getting a Slytherin made them snigger. Now all we had to do was wait for dear Malfoy to finish his drink, and he'll have enough of a dose to last him thirty to forty minutes.

Burp!

"Ron, that was barbaric!" I chastised.

"You've seen me do worse," he retorted.

"Ew! Just drink your drink normally," I said before he started on his corn.

"You know, I agree with her," Harry said.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Don't act so innocent. You know mate, I don't think you should eat things resembling beans because there's a horrible after smell."

Harry glared as I laughed insanely. Harry did have bad repercussions when it came to beans.

"Okay, Ron. Drink like you want. Just keep it in your mouth, okay?" I asked.

Ron didn't grace me with an answer. Instead, he looked…determined? Since when was Ron determined? When I was about to ask, he got up and started heading towards the Hufflepuff table.

When he got there, everyone was looking at what he was doing. Ron didn't look like he noticed, however. Instead, he tapped Susan on the shoulder.

She turned around annoyed. "What Weasley?"

"I like you."

"You what."

"I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yoooooooooooooooooooou a looooooooot!" he sang.

Why was he singing in a high-pitched girl voice?

"You are smart, pretty, and not as annoying as Hermione!"

Oh gosh, he's moving his hips.

"Hey!" I protested. "Stop laughing, Harry!" I looked at Ron again. "Oh my gosh! He's doing a freakin' musical."

"With dancing and everything," added Harry in horror.

Ron started dancing. "You have humor and class and a really nice a-. Sorry Susan, can't say that word in school."

"Okay, Ron, you can stop. You're drawing attention to yourself," said a tomato red Susan.

"And when I look at you, I see butterflies and rainbows! No, not like Crabbe and Goyle see them."

"Ron, shut up."

"You smell like vanilla, and no I am no a creepy stalker guy! Wow, this song has no beat whatsoever."

"Weasley, go sit down!"

By this time, the whole school was in hysterics. Some third year Slytherins were eyeing Colin Creevy's camera. I think they were planning on stealing it just to take pictures of Ron.

"My song isn't making sense or rhyming, but I want to let you know that I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike yoooooooooooooou a looooooooooooot!"

Before Ron started on his second verse, Harry, along with Hagrid at the staff table, got up to go drag him to St. Mungos.

Then came the surprise.

"I like you too Ronald!" declared Susan. I guess she figured what the heck. If he likes her, and she likes him, then they might as well get together now. Granted I didn't know Susan liked him back, but I could tell that she did by the way she jumped into Ron's arms.

After a moment of smiling at the both of them, I shifted my gaze to the Slytherin table. Malfoy and Zabini looked pretty pissed off, and I was enjoying every minute of it.

"Alright, break it up!" yelled Madame Hooch from across the room. Ron and Susan just smiled and decided to leave for some alone time…hopefully to talk.

Harry turned to look at me after looking at Malfoy himself. "So I guess they were planning on screwing Ron over. Well, I guess it backfired."

I grinned. "Yep, now it's our turn."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"How does she find that attractive?" asked Blaise incredulously.

I sniffed. I had the sudden urge to smell something. It felt like I haven't smelt something in almost a year. "I don't know. We should've had a phase two."

"I told you that this morning!" exclaimed Blaise.

"Yeah well. I think we unconsciously did something good. We just played matchmaker," I said as if the thought just dawned on me. Wow, I really needed to smell something. Hey, I smell lilacs. Lilacs are good right?

"Well, we can always try again. It wasn't as devious as what we could've come up with," concluded Blaise. "It almost reminds me of a prank we did in first year. Well, it kind of is a plan we used in first year."

"Yeah," I said while sniffing a little more. Where were the lilacs? I need to find the lilacs.

"I think we thought it would be too easy. I told you we should've given him the singing truth potion and the opposite personality potion at the same time," said Blaise.

"Yeah."

"You know, I think we sh- ah! Draco? Draco! DRACO! Stop! STOP IT! STOP SMELLING ME!" yelled Blaise while jumping out of his seat.

There were the lilacs. Lilacs smell so pretty. I wish I could have a bouquet of lilacs. That would be so dandy. A rainbow wouldn't be bad either. Yeah! I could get a rainbow and singing birdies.

"Draco!" yelled Blaise as he got up and started walking away. Well, it was more like running. "STOP SMELLING MY BUTT!"

"You smell like lilacs Blaise. Lilacs smell pretty!" I said.

Why wouldn't he just let me smell him? If he didn't want me to smell him, then he shouldn't have put lilacs in his butt.

"Stop! Oh the horror!" yelled Blaise before running out of the Great Hall.

Why was he running? If he were a good friend, he'd let me smell him. I hope he smells like cinnamon the next time.

Now, what else is there to smell? Hey, I smell roses. Roses are better than lilacs. I think roses are better to smell.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The whole hall was laughing with glee as Malfoy ran after Zabini. From where I was, it looked like Malfoy's head wasn't in a good place. My five senses potion worked. It takes away one of the five senses to teach people what it would be like without it. I added a couple of extra ingredients to make Malfoy not only have a need to smell, but a need to smell flower scented things.

The fifth year Gryffindors were purposely walking towards Malfoy so he could smell them. Then, they shouted rape and ran away. The teachers were looking on in amusement. Those who wanted to intervene earlier were doubled over laughing.

Lavender and Parvati walked up to him just for the sake of him touching their butts.

"What does mine smell like, Draco?" asked Parvati.

"You smell like a daffodil. Daffodils are okay. They don't make me want to skip though," Malfoy replied.

"What about mine?" asked Lavender.

Draco smelled and put on a sour face. "Yours smells like a f-ing weed."

After that comment, Lavender ran out of the Great Hall.

He didn't even pay attention. He just yelled that he was looking for the person who smelled liked roses. After smelling a whole group of sixths year's butts, he headed towards Ron, Harry, and I.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I wanted to smell roses. Roses were good. In fact, roses were really good. Roses make me think of happy things. I really like roses. Hey, this smells like roses.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Harry, get him off!" yelled a voice that sounded like Granger.

I started poking the object to make sure it really was roses. No roses, but it smelled like it. Roses were wonderful.

"Harry, he's poking my BUTT! Get him OFF NOW! Why couldn't you be the one to smell like roses, Ron!" the Granger sounding voice yelled. If it was Granger, Granger would not take me away from my roses.

"I'd rather smell like Lavender's butt!" commented Ron.

Lavender, who had just walked back in, turned and ran back out of the Great Hall.

Hmm…maybe I should grab the roses out, and then no one would get mad about me smelling.

"Harry, stop laughing! He's grabbing my butt. Get him away!"

The roses were running away from me. Don't go roses.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Don't go roses!" yelled Malfoy as I tried running from him. Even in a stupid state of mind, he could still run faster than me.

"I didn't know you gave Granger's butt a nickname!" yelled a Slytherin.

"Stop running from me roses!" yelled Draco.

He then grabbed for my butt again. His nose felt like it was glued to me. "Stop the madness! Why won't he stop? Can't he just let me live? What if my PARENTS find out? Harry, get him off! GET HIM OFF!"

"I will if you stop runn-."

"Ah!" yelled Draco.

I turned around particularly aware of the free and empty air behind me. He stopped running after me. Hey, I think he snapped out of it.

"Do I not smell like roses anymore?" I asked just to make sure.

"Ah!" he yelled again.

"Never mind, I think it wore off," I said.

"Why was I smelling your…your…"

"My?"

"Ah! I am scarred for life! No pun intended Pothead. I smelled your ass! What was I thinking? How could you do this? This is worse than Weasley threatening my ARMPIT!" he yelled before leaving the Great Hall…strutting?

"Well, I guess we don't have to break that one up," sighed Madame Hooch before sitting back down in fits of giggles.

"I thought I threatened Zabini's armpit?" said Ron in confusion.

"I think we earned him a permanent ward in St. Mungos," said Harry in awe.

I turned around to face Harry and Ron. "We got them back! Although, it's not over."

"Since when is it ever?" asked Ron.

Hope you liked it. Read and review.


	3. Seriously, Fighting Is Bad

Disclaimer:

Draco: It'd be nice if you didn't write a story about me getting humiliated.

Me: Why?

Draco: Umm… because I don't want you too.

Me: (blinks) No.

Draco: Why not?

Hermione: Oh don't whine. You know I'm going to get humiliated later on.

Draco: Hey…you're right! And… at least I look hot while getting humiliated.

Me: That's great. Now getting me out of these handcuffs would be nice.

Draco and Hermione: Yeah, right. No, be serious.

Well, I can't own the characters, because the characters apparently own me.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Author's Note: Well, I think you're gonna love this chapter, if I do say so myself. I won't thank individually this chapter, but I want to thank the reviewers that read All the Little Things that read this story as weel. I also want to thank my new reviewers. Some of you have also asked about where I get my ideas. Some come from really exaggerated versions of my life, but I mostly make it all up. I guess that shows you how incredibly immature my brain is. Anyways, hop you enjoy!**

"No female will ever want me again," Draco said in frustration as he walked into our dorm.

It's been a week, and Draco still hasn't gotten over the whole incident on Halloween. He thinks his animal magnetism went down about ten points after people found out about his love for perfume.

"What is wrong with people, Zabini? They should all worship me," he continued.

"Well, you did give Granger's ass a nickname," I pointed out before getting a swift kick in the shin.

"Like she has one," he said smirking a little at all the possible humiliation he could put her through because of her butt…or he could just be thinking of her butt.

I'm still wondering if she has a butt. No, this isn't one of those issues where I sit around and ponder for an hour or two. It's just…she rarely wears clothes that accentuate her figure. God help us if she has a figure.

Anyway, like I said, I personally didn't know if she had one, but I said, "How would we know if she had one if she's always in robes?"

Draco paused and gave me his confused/accusing look. "You're giving her the benefit of the doubt?"

I had to think about that one. "No, I'm just trying to be- gosh, you know what I mean Draco."

Draco smirked. "Uh huh. Care to dirty yourself even more Blaise."

I glared indignantly. "I am not dirty. Plus, I've never snogged a half blood."

Draco. "Whatever. She was damn good aside from the fact that she was half muggle."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, so why did you break up your snog session to come down here. I thought you were going to be out the whole day."

"Oh, the Griffies want to work today," he said tossing a note towards me.

I read it quickly and smirked. "The girl stood you up didn't she?"

"What, no."

"Don't tell me you interrupted making out with a good looking girl just to come all the way down here and give me a note from Granger," I said matter-of-factly.

Draco rolled his eyes lazily. "If you must know, she didn't stand me up. The only thing she did was tell me she had a boyfriend."

I imitated his eye rolling. "I told you about the whole friends with benefits thing."

"I'm not mad. I'm just trying to figure out who I can use for a snog now."

I rolled my eyes yet again. "Are you going then?"

"Where?"

More eye rolling. "To study with psychos 1 through 3."

He rolled his eyes. "We have to. Plus, we want to get this done don't we?"

"Does that mean we have to interrupt-?"

"Gryffindor Quidditch Practice."

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Watching Harry and Ron out on the pitch didn't really qualify as fun for me, but I finished every assignment that's due for the next three weeks. I had plenty of time for the things I wanted to do. I just wish watching Harry and Ron was one of them.

After Ron caught his first ball of the night, which was well into the practice, some 5th year named Connor yelled, "The grass is growing."

Harry sighed. "You don't use code when they're in earshot Conner."

Connor turned red. "Sorry Harry."

Harry nodded at Connor before descending towards what appeared to be Malfoy and friend. Notice how I only said friend and not the plural form.

"Come to cheat before the game?" asked Harry.

"If we did, you wouldn't know," stated Malfoy. "Anyway, we're here to say we're working on the Potions Project today, okay?"

By this time, I had reached the area where Harry was standing.

Harry lifted an eyebrow. "Couldn't you have waited until practice was over?"

"And when can that be?" asked Malfoy, waiting with another sarcastic comment.

Harry put on his biggest grin. "Well," he started in his kid voice. "According to that clock way over there, practice ends in about ten minutes."

Malfoy's smirk dropped. "Don't tell me what I can and cannot do Potter."

"Oh," Ron said cutting in. "So Zabini is the only one who can tell you what to do? Him and daddy dearest?"

"Shut up Weasel. At least Zabini isn't my lapdog, and at least my dad can afford crap."

At this, the whole Gryffindor Quidditch Team prepared to use their brooms as a possible murder weapon.

I looked at Malfoy, trying my best to glare at him. He had on the weirdest facial expression. It was a mix between amusement, fear, sarcasm, boredom, and sheer disgust. Plus, this was a very awkward situation, and it made me uncomfortable. I couldn't help it. I had to laugh. And strangely enough, I wasn't the only one laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What are you laughing at Zabini?" I asked in a fit of giggles.

"Your team. The broom thing was…hilarious! And don't get me started on the facial expressions," he said through a mix of a cackle and a giggle. "What are you laughing at?"

"Malfoy's expression!" I yelled while laughing wildly. I knew it was a stupid reason to laugh, but you never get that kind of emotion on Malfoy's face. He looked so…distorted. Plus, the awkwardness of the situation just added to the humor.

Everyone paused to look at the both of us.

We looked at them and started laughing louder.

Harry shook his head. "So, do you want to leave?"

"In fact, no," Malfoy said stubbornly.

Zabini and I started laughing louder and fell to the ground in a fit.

"Malfoy's losing his sense of sarcasm!"

"Potter formed a proper sentence!"

"Stop laughing!" everyone yelled in unison.

Zabini and I started a whole new fit of giggles/cackles.

"Is there something I should know about?" asked a confused Ron.

"Are you guys friends?" asked an incredulous Harry.

"Are you two a couple?" asked a shocked Connor.

Everyone, with the exception of Zabini and I who were still laughing, turned to look at Connor.

Connor turned red again. "Well, they're acting like it."

At this, Zabini and I looked at each other.

"He thinks we're together!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"I know!" was all Zabini could say before resuming his cackling.

I tried to get up, but I ended up stumbling every time I tried. Zabini was trying as well, but we only got as far as the other side of the pitch before realizing it was useless.

By then, Harry, Ron, and Malfoy were in a pretty heated argument.

"Get that stupid excuse for a freakin' girl away from Blaise!" yelled Malfoy.

"Feeling jealous Malfoy?" spat Harry.

"Or possessive, either one," added Ron.

"And there goes the award for most unnecessary comment," said Malfoy sarcastically.

"All the unnecessary comments are coming from you, you fat ferret!" Harry said raising his voice.

Zabini and I resumed our giggling/cackling.

"What are you laughing at?" yelled Malfoy in our direction.

"Harry called you a ferret!" I replied.

"Potter called you fat!" Zabini replied.

At that, Draco took a swing at Harry.

The boys on the Gryffindor Team stayed to watch the fight while the girls went to the locker room assuming practice was over.

Ron grabbed a broom from an all too eager Conner and jabbed Malfoy in the stomach.

"Did I jiggle your fat Malfoy!"

"No, but I can certainly see yours, Weasel!"

Harry took this opportunity to kick him in the butt.

"Ow, you bastard!" yelled Malfoy before giving Ron an uppercut.

Malfoy then continued to hit Ron repeatedly in the stomach.

Harry tried to get Ron out from under his grasp by throwing him. Malfoy wouldn't budge, so Harry resorted to yelling, "Ew, you have love handles!"

"Malfoy has love handles!" I giggled.

"Potter touched his love handles?" asked Blaise in mid-cackle.

We then looked at each other and started laughing again.

The other three boys on the other side of the field rolled their eyes. Malfoy then proceeded to hold Ron in a headlock, and Ron tried to bite Malfoy in an area dangerously close to his butt while jabbing his foot with the broom. Harry resorted to trying to find Malfoy's ticklish spot. When that didn't work, Malfoy started being pinched on the sides.

"Stop biting my ass, Weasel, I'm not like that!"

"Tell that to Zabini!"

I continued laughing.

"That was not funny," said Zabini, glaring at me.

"That's only because it was referring to you. I, on the other hand, have a right to laugh," I said trying to sound logical while giggling.

"No you don't. Weasel threatened my manliness," Zabini said glaring more dangerously.

"You would laugh if I was the one mentioned," I said sitting up from my position on the grass.

"Yeah, but I'm a Slytherin."

"Doesn't mean you're the only one with bad qualities."

"You have bad qualities?"

"Have you not noticed the hair?"

"Yeah. I've also noticed the bossiness, prissiness, arrogance, know-it-all…ness, bookworm-."

"Okay, geez."

"That's my hair!" yelled Malfoy.

When I looked over, Harry was on Malfoy's back trying to pull his hair out, while Ron was still in a headlock and still biting Malfoy while still jabbing his foot. The three of them were turning in a circle, and it really did look kind of wrong.

When Ron started punching Malfoy in the stomach, Madame Hooch decided to come in while the rest of the team scattered.

"Break it up!" was all she said for the three boys to stop.

"We should have-," started Zabini, catching himself.

I stared at him for a moment and realized the fun was over, so I guess he returned to not liking me. So, in response, I returned to not liking him. Him just sitting next to me annoys the hell out of me.

Instead of staring at him further, I turned my attention back to Madame Hooch.

"I should suspend you from the first game," she threatened.

Fear flashed through the boys' faces.

"Instead," she started. "I will give you detention until the first game."

"That's another week of detention for me!" whined Malfoy.

"Well it's only a week this time eh, Harry?" Ron said patting him on the back before Madame Hooch glared at him. "Sorry Madame."

"Tonight, you will have detention with Hagrid."

My eyes widened at the thought of the detention. I wasn't horrified because it was with Hagrid, I was horrified because we were supposed to work on our projects. The worst part is that it would only be Zabini and me. Susan has to patrol tonight.

"You've got to be kidding me," said Zabini in disbelief.

I looked at him and gave him a slight smile/confused/horrified look before going back to join Harry and Ron. They both got a swift kick in the shin before I said, "You two are so stupid. You do realize that I will be left alone with Zabini? Did you think of that?"

"I'm sorry, Hermione," said Harry avoiding another kick.

"Well, tell that to me when we fail," I said leading the way to the Hospital Wing.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

It's been thirty minutes since we sat down and decided to research the whole time. And let me tell you, they've been the longest thirty minutes of my life. It would've been perfectly normal if we were just researching, because I've had to do this kind of work with Malfoy before, but something was bothering me. People who knew me really well knew this was a pet peeve of mine. One of Zabini's spikes weren't as spiky as the rest of his hair, and with me being a perfectionist, I just couldn't stop looking at it. It was the only limp one on his head, and I felt like fixing it, but touching him would be like asking for an infectious disease.

However, his hair didn't make the situation awkward. He already told me to stop staring between the polite, yes polite, asking for a book and a rude sigh, but I couldn't stop. His hair needed to be fixed. You'd think that a guy who carried hair gel and a muffin in what I now know is his 'man purse' would be able to keep his hair straight.

So after thirty long minutes of research, he asked, "Am I seriously that sexy to you? Do you always need to stare at me like a deranged puppy?"

"Yes Zabini. You are about as sexy as Professor Snape would be in a pink bathrobe modeling for Witch Weekly," I replied sarcastically.

"Well I don't mind the Witch Weekly part, and I do look good in pink…"

"You are so conceited."

"Like you aren't."

"I don't ask people if they think I'm sexy!"

"It's just a question. I wanted to know."

"So I'm allowed to have an opinion now?"

"Um, no? It's not like it's stopped you before though."

"Whatever," I said returning to my book. Maybe ignoring him would piss him off.

But it didn't piss him off. After that brief argument, we spent another ten minutes in a long awkward silence. The only difference was that he was staring at me this time.

"Why were you staring at me?" he asked breaking the silence but not taking away the awkwardness.

"Your hair…"

"Is perfect?"

"Is annoying."

"How?" he asked reaching for his hair automatically.

"That one strand on my right isn't as pointy as the rest."

He paused and gave me a knowing smirk. "No seriously, what's wrong with it?"

I rolled my eyes and took out my mirror. "Take a look."

When he saw his hair, his eyes widened and reached into his 'man purse' for his gel.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"You were being conceited, so I decided to let the hair thing go."

"You can't let matters of this hair go. It goes against the code of…of…of hair!"

At this I burst out laughing.

"What? Is it so bad that you feel the need to blackmail me for having a bad hair day?" he asked frantically.

I calmed myself down so he wouldn't start raising his voice anymore than he did. "Code of hair? That's right next to the code of toe nail clipping and the code of mustache twirling."

"There's…a code of hair," he said a little hesitantly.

"Seriously?" I asked with a knowing look.

He rolled his eyes. "No, okay. I was just worrying about my hair."

"Okay," I said, smiling before returning to my book.

He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly. "Why do you always give people that look?"

I rolled my eyes. "I have a look now?"

"Well, you've always had one. You just gave me the I-know-I'm-smarter-than-you look."

"I don't have a look like that. Even if I did, why would I give it to you?"

"Are you saying I'm smart?"

"No Zabini, I'm saying you're sexy. Of course I'm saying your smart! You've told me I'm smart, even though it wasn't in a nice way, but still."

"Yeah, but…can you just tell me why you have a look?"

"You're wanting to know about me?" I said switching the subject, because the one we were talking about would only turn the conversation to talking about him again. He's so self-centered.

"No."

"Please, Zabini, you're practically asking if I have a favorite color."

"I wouldn't ask you that in a million years. You just annoy me. You couldn't help staring at my piece of hair, because it annoys you. How come I'm not allowed to tell you what annoys me?"

"Cause my opinion doesn't matter to you, so your opinion doesn't matter to me."

"Wow, that was a damn good point."

"Mr. Zabini," said the half-whisper voice Madame Pince liked to use in the library. "Did I just hear you say a curse word on school property?"

I looked at Zabini and noticed that, unlike Malfoy, he couldn't disguise his emotion very well at all. Instead, he looked like a deer in headlights. As much as it amused me, I refuse to work on this project by myself. Besides, he already found a nice mix of complicated ingredients. There was no way I was working alone, and that is that. I was stuck here doing a project, and he was going to be the one stuck with me. If he got detention, Susan would be the only one left, but she hasn't made an effort to show up much except when she knew Ron would be there.

So instead of letting him deal with the situation I put on my nice girl smile and said, "He said darn good, Madame."

Madame Pince's eyes softened and she looked at me. "Are you sure Ms. Granger? He hasn't threatened you has he?"

"No Madame, not at all. He's been trying really hard to get along with me, and I really don't want to work on this alone, so he's agreed to help."

"So you two are on good terms?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Not really."

She nodded. "Then I'll stay here a couple of extra minutes."

"Thank you Madame," I said giving her one last smile before she returned to her desk.

After her shadow turned a corner in the fiction section, I returned to my book and tried to figure out if the mixture would turn out green or mustard yellow. Zabini, on the other hand, decided to keep staring. This time, I could only stand it for five minutes.

"What?" I asked irritated.

"You are a weird girl," he said in confusion.

I smiled sarcastically. "Well at least you noticed I'm a girl."

He shook his head. "You just saved me from detention."

"Yeah, for the simple fact that I'm a Gryffindor, and there is no way in hell I'm working on this potion by myself."

He paused to look at me with a confused face again. "You are so…stupid."

I looked up and glared. "Excuse me."

"Well, now I'm stuck with you, and it's not Malfoy's fault, it's yours," he said, pointing at me rather rudely.

"Hey, I saved you for my selfish reason."

"But still, I could've been in detention with Draco instead of with you."

"I am not doing the work by myself."

"Whatever," he said, still in mild shock. "At least I know you were being selfish."

I rolled my eyes and returned to my book, which led to more staring from Zabini. He wore out my attention span, so I only had to endure a minute of his staring before I asked, "What!"

He paused. "So, seriously, what's your favorite color?"

…………………………………………………………………………

"How was it?" asked Draco immediately after I walked back into our dorm.

"Almost horrible," I replied.

"Why was it almost horrible," he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…Granger rescued me."

His eyes widened. "You mean, like, from Fluffy?"

"No, from detention," I replied with a curious glance. "I thought you didn't like bunnies."

"Not your Fluf- just get to why she saved you, Zabini."

"Well, she didn't want to do all the work by herself," I said.

"At least it was for a selfish reason," Draco said thoughtfully.

"I know, or else I would've thought it was weird. In fact, it's weird even with the selfish reason."

"I know."

"And, don't kill me Draco, I have only minimal feelings of malice towards her."

Draco sat up from his position on the bed. "She killed your father, Blaise."

"I know, and I still hate her. Don't worry, she still wants to make me gag, and I love annoying her. You just have to stare at her for a while, and she'll get pissed off really easily. Plus, she has something against foot tapping, so you have to do that with me the next time we have a meeting. Although, it's not like I liked my dad that much anyways."

"That's true," he said before looking at me with a suspicion. "Did you two agree on a truce or something?"

I looked at him disgusted. She did save my ass once, but that doesn't mean I owe her anything. Having a truce with her would suck. Gosh, it's not like she gave me some sort of life changing experience. In fact, if she did something to change my opinion about her, then my opinion would change. Every time I think about her, I think about how comparable she is to a poodle, only her hair wasn't groomed that way on purpose.

"Well, that look gives me the answer," Draco said nodding. All the sudden, his eyes lit up. "You want to know what I found out?"

"Go ahead," I said, waving my hand nonchalantly for him to continue.

Draco jumped off his bed and looked at me gleefully. "Potter has certain bad repercussions after eating beans!"

At hearing this, my eyes widened and I unconsciously smirked. "New plan?"

"New plan," he agreed. He turned around and looked at himself in the full-length mirror. "Do you think Potter was right about what he said about me? If he was, then I now understand why girls prefer him more than me."

"You mean the ferret thing?" I asked trying not to laugh. "No Draco, you definitely don't resemble a ferret."

He turned to glare at me before turning back to the mirror. "No, not that."

I rolled my eyes. I've been doing that a lot lately. "Then what?"

He turned to me with the most serious look he's ever given me in the time that I've known him.

I gave him my best annoyed look. "Out with it Draco!"

He took a deep breath. "Do you think I'm fat?"

………………………………………………………………

**Author's note: So, how was that? Once I got the idea for this chapter, I couldn't stop writing it. I know it too me a while, but I've been busy with schoo. We have to prepare for standardized testing, and they never lay off the homework. Well, R/R with a little constuctive criticism if you feel the need. Thanks for reading.**


	4. Wrong Beans Attract the Wrong People

Disclaimer:

Draco: Yes, we finally get to humiliate them this chapter!

Blaise: Whoa, this is the first time I get to speak during an disclaimer.

Me: Well enjoy it. This is probably the fastest I've updated in like forever!

Blaise and Draco: That's not a good thing.

Me: Yes it is! I didn't get tortured in one single way.

Blaise: (Hits me over the head with a stick)

Draco: Well, that wasn't too hard. I just don't know how we're going to throw her off the cliff.

So, due to technical difficulties, I can't say I had the time or mental ability to steal anything involving the Harry Potter World.

…………………………………………………………………………..

**Author's note: Hey guys! Look, a quick update! Well, quick meaning two weeks, but since when have I updated this early? I haven't updated this fast since last summer! Anyways, I forgot to mention this in my last author's notes, but I don't know what the pairing of this story will be. So, I have decided that during the course of this story, I will ask who she should end up with. I'm not asking now, so I don't need and opinion at the moment, but I will ask later. I don't know, I guess I might create a love triangle, you never know. So, I hope you enjoy, and here is my thanks list.**

Thanks to:

Black Aliss: Well, this is the Blaise/Hermione I promised in my poll in All the Little Things, but when I asked whether people like Draco or Blaise with Hermione better, people replied Draco. However, you never know...

cargarbinx: Thanks for the compliment! I didn't know if people would think thisis funny or not, but your feedback helps. Yeah, some tragic/depressing stories are well written, but there sure are a lot of them in the fanfiction world.

slyswn18: Despite how she appears right now, Susan isn't all that innocent. Although, she might be just there in the story for a while before I include her in the plot.

logi: I brought tears to your eyes from laughing? Aw, I love that your a new reviewer for my story.

blandsaft: Yeah, I don't like my transitions either, I just have a really bad habit of not editing.

halfbloodprince15: The ideas come as I write. I have no clue what the chapter is going to be about until I'm three pages in on word. Thanks for enjoying my story. No, none of them are gay by the way. I tend to lean away from slash, although if you do write slash, I'm not criticizing you. Some slash stories are good despite the pairing.

Karana Belle: Glad I could give you a laugh. Your just so sweet!

citcatt299: Does it really have that great of a flow. I'm never really sure with my writing.

So those are review responses from chapters two and three. Thank you to everyone I didn't mention. I love you all, especially some of my newer reviewers. Thank ya much!

………………………………………………………………………….

"Why?" Zabini asked during a period that I liked to call planning time.

It was the day before the second Quidditch game, November seventh to be exact, and Blaise was questioning me. How rude, insensitive, and so unlike him. Honestly, you'd think that he would be happy with all that I do for him.

Instead of getting mad, I settled with asking, "What do you mean why?"

"Well, frankly, I don't want to join Mum in Azkaban. We want to sabotage their lives, not kill them," he said logically.

"Actually, killing them sounds like the right thing to do. It's either them or me. Granger and I can't live with her butt having a nickname!" I said getting frustrated.

"Draco, it sounds like you can't live with giving Granger's butt a nickname."

I sighed rudely.

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, look. I like the Forbidden forest idea, I like the bean idea, and I like the knocking them unconscious for a couple of hours idea. The only thing I don't like is the idea of putting them out there to die!"

I stopped my pacing and looked at him straight in the eye. Since when did he not want to kill the Golden trio? Usually, we would've been preparing the 'joke' by now. Let's see…It had to be sometime this year. When did his mind go wrong? Maybe he doesn't want to associate with me after the Granger butt incident. Oh, wait.

"It's Granger!" I said jumping up and pointing at him rather rudely.

"I'm not Granger," he said with a confused face.

"No, I don't think your Granger using a Polyjuice potion you half wit. You don't want to pull this off because of Granger! She's given you a love potion hasn't she? That little witch! What was the last thing you drank? I'm going to use it as evidence. Then, I'm going to kick her a-!"

"Shut up Draco! It's not because of Granger. Unless you want a life sentence, I suggest that we don't kill them, however tempting and easy it is to do," he reasoned.

I stomped my foot on the ground and thought about it. He was right. I was just over reacting. He was just trying to save my life. Although, Granger and him have gotten friendlier over the past week. They've had plenty of time alone for the past week since Weasel, Potty, and I all have detention. As far as I know, Bones only showed up twice that week. Now, they're average insults a day have dwindled down to four. How curious. I swear, if he impregnated Granger, then it will be the end of him.

I put a smirk back on my face after a lot of thought. "You're right. So we're doing everything except attracting an angry mob of centaurs."

"Right you are, Draco," he said with his smirk on his face. "Potter is going to be the one who's fat."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" I asked sharply.

You know, I used to think I was the hottest thing that ever hit this school, and now Potter has me thinking I'm a freaking Pansy. You don't call me a fat ferret and get away with it. Plus, I bet people would agree that I am way better looking than him.

Blaise rolled his eyes again. He has a habit of doing that. "No, Draco, I wasn't saying you were fat? Gosh, you are such a girl. I was merely adding in the phrase of Potter will get his, just like the book, _Evil For Dummies: The Magical Edition _said."

I nodded slowly then brightened up.

"It's almost lunchtime! Remember Blaise. You have to get this in his food," I said handing him a bag.

"As long as you do your job, I'll do mine," Blaise said before leaving the room.

I followed him right after putting my wand in my pocket.

………………………………………………………………………………

As I walked into the Great Hall, I muttered a simple spell that made a note travel into Pansy Parkinson's lap. She's going to love this.

When I sat down, I saw Pansy rise and slap her boyfriend, Theodore Nott, across the face.

"Whose Fra- franth-Frag-?"

"Francesca?" Nott asked.

"So you admit it. You're cheating on me! Why you lousy son of a b-."

"I'm not cheating on you."

"Yes you are. Of all the houses, you had to choose a Hufflepuff? Well, I've got news for you!" she said, poking him in the nose. "Hufflepuffs are flat! Every single on of them has no rack! So if you-."

Meanwhile, at the teacher's table, Madame Hooch was sighing. "No more fights. You go break that up Minerva."

"Unless a sharp object occurs, no one will interrupt me from my lunch. The last time I tried to break up a fight involving Parkinson, she scratched me on my thigh. Well, after that, I decided no more fights," McGonagall said firmly.

Madame Hooch sighed again and looked at what was happening over at the Gryffindor side of the room. 'Is that Zabini?' she thought. 'Oh, Granger is talking to him. It must be about the Potion's project. Good, I don't have to get up.'

…………………………………………………………….

"How did you manage?" asked Draco as I sat down at the table.

"I had a nice, civil chat," I replied.

Draco looked me in the eye. "No, seriously."

I sighed. "I insulted her, and while she was getting mad, I put the stuff in their drinks."

"So you spiked it then."

"I just told you I did."

"Just making sure," Draco said, smiling maliciously. "Now, all we have to do is the incantation and we're- um, Blaise."

"What?" I asked rudely, trying to get at least a spoonful of food before we embarrass the hell out of the Golden Trio.

"Um, where are they?"

"They who?" I asked with my mouthful of carrots. Gosh, he's so paranoid these days.

"Potter, Weasel, and Granger! Who else would I be talking about?" he asked agitated, getting up from the table.

I took a roll before following suit. This was bound to be a plan that would backfire somehow. I just wish I could tell Draco that without him castrating me.

…………………………………………………………..

"What the hell are they doing in the Astronomy Tower on a Saturday?" I whispered to Draco while trying to keep my breathing under control.

It had taken us a while, but we managed to find them. Weasel talks louder than I do when surrounded by an adoring audience. So, anyways, we followed them up here, and we have no idea what they're doing. Maybe we're lucky enough to hear one of their plans. This is a good place to devise one. I mean, who the hell goes to the Astronomy tower on Saturday?

"Why are we working on the Potion here?" asked Potter.

Damn, they weren't discussing a plan.

"Well, I thought it'd be better if we were in an area of lower pressure to work. The potion won't respond to the air as much as it would in the dungeons," explained Granger like it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Why?" asked Weasel, scratching his head.

"The air isn't pushing down on us as much as it would in the dungeons since we're higher up. It has something to do with all the layers in the atmosphere. Despite what Snape says, I think air pressure does have an effect on the potion, and I have proven it," replied Granger with an air of pride.

Gosh, I hate her pride.

"Sure, whatever you say Hermione," said Weasel, retiring himself to a seat close to the potion.

"Why aren't the rest of them here?" asked Potter.

"Well, I figured Malfoy isn't too happy with us, and there is no way you two are getting another detention. A plant bit Susan in Herbology. Zabini might as well stay with Malfoy. He wouldn't enjoy himself or cooperate with us. So, I figure we can test the effects that wolfbane and rosemary create. I haven't tried that combination before," Granger explained.

"We need to hit them now!" Draco whispered loudly in my ear.

"Fine. Pretend like you came here to work," I said before opening the door.

As it turns out, we didn't have to pretend to work on the project. Granger, Potter, and Weasel were all at perfect angles to be shot at. I took Granger first, knowing her senses would kick in if I didn't hit her right at the moment, and Draco took Potter and Weasel. We were going to levitate them out, but then a thought crossed both our minds.

"We'll get caught," we said in unison.

"Well how are we going to get them out?" I asked before muttering the spell to lift Weasel.

"I don't know. You come up with something!" Draco said frustrated.

I took my wand and sharply pointed it towards the balcony in annoyance. "You can't expect me to come up with everything Draco! You'd be jumping off that balcony for fun afternoon entertainment if it weren't for me."

Thud.

"What was that?" I asked, turning my head sharply towards the balcony.

"That would be Weasel going over the balcony," replied Draco with horror and sarcasm.

I rushed to the edge of the balcony and looked over. The invisible link from my wand to him must've broken when I practically flung Weasel out. He's lucky he went so far out, or else he would've hit a gargoyle or something.

"Do something Blaise!" shrieked Draco.

Yes, he does shriek.

"I can't think of anything!" I shrieked back.

Yes, I do shriek.

"You dumbass!"

"Don't call me that you idiot!" I screamed, watching Weasley fall farther and farther down.

It took a few seconds, but Draco finally shouted, "I know! Spongify!"

Right when Weasley was about to hit the ground, he bounced off of a sort of spongy material.

"Yes, we did it!" I exclaimed, taking in all the breath that I missed when I was contemplating my life decisions.

There was a silent moment when the only sound you could here was our heavy breathing.

"Great, now lets throw Potter and Granger off," said Draco excitedly, breaking the silence.

"Are you mad!" I yelled, throwing my arms up in the air.

"No, I'm smart," replied Draco before getting a hold of Potter. "Just jump off with Granger. My Spongify will hold for at least ten more minutes."

"Once again, are you mad?"

Draco smirked and jumped off far enough so he wouldn't hit a gargoyle. I sighed and saw Draco panic a little before falling. To my surprise, his Spongify bed caught him. He landed with a little bounce with Potter close behind.

I sighed and looked at Granger. At least she'll be asleep when I kill her. If she were awake, she'd be annoying to the point where I would forget to kill her. But, right now, I didn't know if it was good to risk her life without her being awake. If she were awake and didn't want me to jump off with her, I would've done it anyways. However, my conscience (yes, I have one) would've been a tad clearer.

Right when I turned my head to look back down at the ground, an angry red spark almost attacked me. I was pretty sure it was Draco telling me that he was impatient. I don't see him having to jump off with Granger.

I sighed again and levitated Granger. Despite my current feelings of complete loathing for her, I needed to be careful. She can go out first, and then I'll jump down. I carefully floated her body on the outside of the balcony, and then I had this weird, and totally random, arm spasm that caused me to drop my wand. That will forever and always be my excuse for being careless.

After looking down to see where she might end up after my 'arm spasm,' I realized that she would hit something. She would miss all the little gargoyles, but there's a statue of a bigger gargoyle on the second floor that she definitely wouldn't miss. Draco apparently saw this too and started muttering every spell he could thing of.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" I cursed.

I can't spongify the gargoyle. I can't levitate her, because she's out of range. I can't do anything. I'll be spending the rest of my life in a jail cell getting fat. Even worse, I'll spend the rest of my life in a jail cell getting fat with my mother. I have to think of something. Maybe if I transport the gargoyle to left a little, I might be able to save her ass.

"Windgardium Leviosa!"

I cant' lift her from here. And since when did I want to lift her? That definitely wasn't me who uttered that. Hey, Granger's not dead. But, how can I move the gargoyle to the left. I don't know how to do that. Oh, wait a minute…

Granger's not dead!

She's not dead yet!

I can live the life of a normal privileged man!

And Draco…is hovering Granger carefully? Since when did he start saving people? Since when did he start saving her? How incredibly Gryffindor-y of him. Although, I could've saved her way better.

Just then, another red spark tried to swallow me whole.

I rolled my eyes and jumped off, not caring whether or not I jumped far enough, because I wanted an answer from Draco. And lucky for me, I reached the floor safely.

"You've got a lot of guts saving Granger," I said as soon as I reached him.

"You've got a lot of guts trying to make her death look like a suicide," Draco retorted.

"I had an arm spasm!"

"Arm spasm my ass!"

"Whatever. Look, do you want to continue this or not, because risking there lives again would be really stupid," I asked Draco with a serious expression.

Draco smirked. "Of course."

……………………………………………………..

"How long till they regain consciousness?" asked Blaise.

"Fifteen minutes, if I'm not mistaken," I replied distractedly.

We had just experienced an almost murder, which I used to see often, so now I had to find a place safe enough to sit them. Then, I could make them drink another potion that will have the whole of Gryffindor Tower screaming for fresh air.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

That's one of the many differences between Blaise and me. He worries about things going right, and I know that things are going right. There's also the little thing he's getting for Granger. Sure, I let it slide because I'm in denial, but he's getting something. In fact, he's getting an epidemic that I like to call Granger-you-whore syndrome.

"Draco-."

I stopped abruptly.

I think this place is safe. There's nothing to harm us here. We have nice looking trees and no animal that resembles anything with sharp teeth in the area. I think we're good here.

"Put them down here," I commanded Blaise.

He only sighed and neatly placed Granger on a stump. He then made sure her skirt wouldn't fly up for all the world to see, and he made sure her back was comfortable.

I slammed Potter and Weasel against a tree and glared at the back of his head.

I knew he had a thing for Granger! Who freaking cares if she's comfortable? At least she's alive. Granted, she didn't know she was close to dying today, but still, he shouldn't care.

That's it. I'm going to make him admit it, and then I'm going to proceed to help him get over it.

"Ah!" I heard Blaise yell causing me to snap out of my rage/thought process.

"You filthy, filthy…oh, I'll call you something mean when I can fully grasp why you have a twin brother," I heard a bossy girl voice yell back.

Blaise turned towards me. "You said she would be out for another fifteen!"

"I estimated!" I said defensively. Seriously, how would I have known?

"Well," Blaise said seething, "you suck at estimating."

"Ah!"

"Grrhmfjdasaik."

"Great, now the rest of them are up," Blaise sighed, giving me a look. He then turned around and started advancing towards Granger.

"Were you trying to prank us?" asked Granger already on her feet.

"No freaking duh we were trying to prank you. Why else would Draco set foot in this damn forest!" yelled Blaise.

"To play with the pretty little unicorns," replied Potter sarcastically, regaining his thought process.

"I don't like unicorns!" I protested.

"Really? What was that you told Zabini to put in his 'man purse' in sixth year? It definitely wasn't an ink bottle, Malfoy. Ink bottles don't have blue hair," accused Potter.

"Yeah," Weasel tried.

He clearly hadn't gone back to his senses yet.

"Why do we always have to bring up my man purse?" Blaise asked agitated.

"Simply because you have one," replied Granger.

I smirked at the reply Blaise would throw back. Granger didn't throw a smart comment; therefore, Blaise would counter with something that would surely make her cry. My smirk got wider at the thought of what he might say. Here it comes….yup, it's coming…any minute now…it's definitely coming…

"That's not fair," he said instead, crossing his arms over his chest.

"It is to fair and you know it," Granger said with a glint in her eye.

If I didn't know better, I would think that understanding passed between them after Granger's last comment. He was facing away from me, so maybe he was glaring, and she was trying to piss him off by smiling and doing that glinty thing with her eye.

"Alright," Potter started. "Why don't you two go screw a magical tree, and we can try to find our way out of here. It shouldn't be too hard," said Potter, looking at his surroundings.

I looked at him and glared. Sure, he's been stuck in this place more than once, but that doesn't mean he has to brag about knowing the area. What a Golden Boy! I really dislike him with a very strong passion. Right now, he should be stinking up the place. Why aren't magical beans we slipped into his plate working?

"What magical beans?" asked Potter suspiciously.

I looked at him surprised.

"What magical beans?" asked Potter again, this time more firmly.

After a couple of seconds, I realized what I had done wrong…Dammit, I said that last part out loud.

"You might as well tell him. We're the only ones in the area to blame, and it didn't work anyway," said Blaise, sitting on a tree stump.

I sighed. Even though I was accusing him in the back of my mind for not lying, he was right. There was nothing to blame anything on. It was just them and us in a forest.

"You might as well," I said, grabbing my wand just in case. "We wanted to knock you guys out and put you in the Forbidden Forest."

"How original," commented Weasel.

Yes, that was a proper sarcastic comment, surprisingly.

Instead of replying, I gave him a quick glare and continued. "However, we wanted to make Potter fart by putting beans in his lunch. That way, you could attract a herd of centaurs."

"So, you planned to kill us?" asked Potter.

"No, just wound you badly," replied Blaise.

"Well, that just makes it a whole lot better," Granger said, checking herself for bruises.

"Yeah. And you're farting plan didn't work," Potter said through gritted teeth.

"Why?" I asked, trying to get the information out of him.

Potter eyed me suspiciously. "Because I don't have problems with actual beans you idiot."

Well, that definitely narrows it down to at least one hundred more types of beans.

Instead of commenting, I put my thoughts into something else, like how the hell we were going to get out of here. I did so much turning that I forgot the direction we came in. I was lost, but there was no way they would know that I was.

"Hey, I recognize that tree!" exclaimed Weasley. "It was the one I ran into on our way back to the spiders last year."

"I'm surprised you could recognize it. You were out for a good fifteen minutes," said Granger, examining the tree.

"Plus, the blood on your forehead conveniently attracted the spiders and those wolf-hounds," said Potter looking over his shoulders.

"Honestly, Harry. They're not going to come and kill us anymore. We made a deal with them," said Granger reassuringly.

There was a slight pause in the conversation.

"Wolf-hounds?" asked Blaise.

Granger turned around. "Yeah. The humungous dog-like creature with those nasty fangs."

"I know what they are," Blaise said. "I just wanted to know if they were really in the forest."

"We just said so didn't we?" asked Potter sarcastically.

"I wasn't talking to you Potter," said Blaise.

"So. I had an answer, and I said it," said Potter before whispering something to Granger.

"What did you whisper about me?" asked Blaise.

Potter rolled his eyes. "Not everything is about you!"

"Don't raise your voice at me!" Blaise yelled.

"Umm, hello, you're the one who's raising your voice," pointed out Potter.

If I wasn't so busy looking on while those two were fighting, I would have noticed the noise coming from the bushes.

"How about we all stop raising our voices," suggested Granger.

"No one asked you!" Potter and Blaise said in unison.

"Hey, don't scream at her like that!" shouted Potter.

"You did the same thing!" shouted Blaise.

"Yeah, but I'm allowed!" Potter screamed back.

"Since when were you allowed!" Granger screamed.

"What are you doing in our forest!" screamed a voice.

"This isn't your forest!" Blaise yelled.

But, as he turned around, he soon regretted those words. What stood there wasn't what we planned on happening. In fact, we did plan on it appearing, but we didn't know it actually would. It was a centaur, and an angry one at that. Its nostrils were flared, and there were at least twenty of them behind the one up front. Gosh, we've got to stop arguing. That's most likely how they found us in the first place.

"It is our forest. I thought we made it very clear to you wizards, but I guess we didn't try hard enough," said the centaur with an evil glint in its eyes.

"You did make it clear enough Temith," replied Potter with confidence.

"Then why are you here?" asked the one up front, Temith, still as angry as he first appeared to us.

"We got tricked into it," explained Weasley.

Temith looked at Weasel with a slightly softened face. "I would like to believe you, for you are a decent wizard Ron, but I can't take a chance of you lying to me. We shall have to punish you all in order to be fair."

"No Temith!"

"I'm sorry Ron," Temith said before surrounding us. "I warned you before."

While that was going on, I absentmindedly got closer to where Granger and Blaise were. Blaise was almost cowering, but Granger kept her composure, despite the fear in her eyes. Damn her bravery.

"Please don't Temith. We wouldn't lie," pleaded Granger.

"I have no proof of that," Temith said while the whole lot of them closed the circle.

"Hey, maybe if we took all of you out for a drink, you'd trust us. We'll show you how to party like it's your birthday!" suggested Blaise nervously.

The Golden Trio looked at Blaise with wide eyes and a fearful expression that meant why-did-you-just-say-that-you-stupid-Slytherin.

Blaise, in return, just shrugged.

"Well, it is my birthday," said the centaur facing Potter.

"Well, happy birthday mate," said Weasel with a nervous smile.

"I've always wanted to taste butterbeer," said the centaur.

"And we can help with that," offered Blaise.

"Silence! Don't you see they're trying to stall? Attack them now!" yelled Temith.

All the centaurs nodded and started to prepare to charge. Granger, Blaise, and I got our wands out while Potter and Weasel frantically searched for theirs. Stupid idiots. They're always forgetting their wands.

"Ready!" yelled Temith.

"No!" yelled Weasel.

"He wasn't asking you Ron," whispered Granger.

Weasel shrugged.

"Char-."

"Where Hagrid!" said a raspy, deep sounding voice.

In my opinion, that voice was the most angelic thing I've ever heard. It saved our lives.

"Who cares where Hagrid is!" yelled Temith.

"Me cares!" exclaimed that voice, and let me tell you, it definitely wasn't a centaur.

I turned around cautiously so I wouldn't alarm them with sudden movement and saw that the Golden Trio was looking up at this big furry creature like he was a god. Their eyes were wide, and Granger looked like she was about to cry. If their reaction to this creature didn't confuse Blaise and I enough, what they said next did. It was a simple word, but it's meaning would confuse me for the rest of my life, or at least until I get an explanation.

"Grawp!"

………………………………………………

**Author's note: So, how was that. Well, I decided not to make them fight much in this chapter. And, I will guarantee a chapter where Draco and Blaise actually get them back, although I don't know when I'll right that. Gotta get to the juicy stuff first. Anyways, read and review.**


	5. A Wheelbarrow and Torch Incident

Disclaimer:

Blaise: Why do you always do this?

Draco: Do what?

Blaise: You know what! Don't be stupid!

Draco: What are you so pissed about?

Blaise: It's common courtesy to put the seat down after flushing something down the toilet, especially the author's dog.

Draco: That wasn't the author's dog?

Blaise: Then what was it?

Draco: It was the author.

So, as you can see, I had no opportunity to take anything illegally that belongs to the Harry Potter World.

……………………………………………………

**Author's Note: Wow it's been a while. Well, my summer dance classes have doubled because our company is going to be the lead company this upcoming year. Also, I've had band camp (make fun of me if you want) like almost everyday, so I've come home tired without any fuel to think about my fanfic. I haven't been completely neglecting it though, but All the Little Things is going through some tough time because I need to add some detail so the ending will make sense. Well, anyways, here are the thanks for the reviews. I want to get this up quickly for you guys, so I'll thank everyone individually next chapter if I up date quick enough.**

**Hope you enjoy reading!**

……………………………………………………..

I can honestly say that this has been the most awkward position I've been in for a long time. We even had time to start a routine. Blaise would huff, I would scowl, Potter and Granger would look worried, Weasley swore under his breath, and the centaurs grunted. All in all, it was a very bad situation. I mean, how often do angry centaurs, a gigantic hairy thing, and five wizards who just had a near death experience in the same Forbidden Forest? This definitely is a cause for confusion.

"What's a Grawp?" I asked along with Blaise and the heard of centaurs after the longest pause in a century.

"That's a Grawp," pointed Weasel like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

We all looked at the Grawp in question. It was very hairy, and when I say hairy, I mean it. The only place not covered with hair was it's nose, which it probably uses to sniff out it's victims. Then again, it can't be too bad considering it hasn't eaten Weasel yet. He's the fat one. Plus, judging by the way Granger's facial expression was twisted into an admiration short of thing, it definitely couldn't be that bad.

"Never seen one of those in a textbook," said Blaise.

Blaise then made a move to get a better look at it, but thought better of it since the centaur next to him was holding a very pointy object. He sighed and gave a questioning look to Granger. He gave up after he noticed she wasn't paying attention to him.

"Actually-," started Potter before getting nudged in the rib.

Potter turned around and looked at his two tag-a-longs. To the normal person, it would've been an ordinary look, but to me, it seemed like an understanding was passing between them. Something was up. If the mob of centaurs and that grawp thing is a prank, then they better damn well pray that their disgusting, crimson windows are locked at night.

"Like I was saying, grawps aren't in textbooks. They…um…are very scarce and rare. I wonder what one is doing in the forest," he said in a strained voice.

"If it's not in your wizarding textbooks," started Temith, "then how do you know about it?"

That's exactly what I want to know.

"Well," started Granger with a slight quiver in her voice, "Hagrid is quite fond of the unusual types of animals."

"Me not unusual," protested Grawp, having a little difficulty pronouncing unusual.

Granger's facial expression switched from one of strained bravery to a fond expression. "I know Grawp," she said, making a motion to air five it.

Grawp air fived back. I knew I would laugh about this later. Creatures don't know how to air five, so she obviously had to teach it how to air five.

"Anyways, he found one in the forest in our fifth year. I'm not quite sure how he knows, but that's who I got my information from," she continued with a sterner voice.

If she was lying, she was damn good at it.

"Well, we can't very well ask Hagrid after that wheelbarrow and torch incident," thought Temith.

"I didn't mean to," said the birthday centaur indignanatly.

We all looked at the centaur who supposedly had a birthday today. I had a confused expression that clearly stated, 'What the hell was the wheelbarrow and torch incident?' It clearly was one of the secrets kept out of Hogwarts, or else I would've known what it was referring to. There better be a description of this incident, because I think this little piece of information could totally bring them down.

However, before I could open my beautiful mouth to ask, Blaise asked," What wheelbarrow and torch incident?"

I could feel the tension rise after that moment. Granger's shoulders tensed, Weasel got really red, and Potter gave me the 'death' glare that's supposed to make kids under the age of 10 crap their pants.

Temith gave Blaise a slight glare before explaining the much-needed information. "Kemlo over there got mad and tried to attack those three in the wheelbarrow they were hiding in. Then, Mr. Weasley decided to grab a torch and fend him away, but Kemlo kicked his arm in frustration and sent the torch flying and Hagrid's hut on fire."

This reminded me of something. Last year, around the end of September, the oaf's hut had smoke coming out of it. Of course, I took the glory and said it was a Slytherin prank, but I never actually got where it came from.

"So the hut catching on fire last year wasn't a Slytherin prank?" asked Blaise.

He always has to ask first.

"Definietely not," replied the Weasel as if reliving the memory.

"So much for taking the glory in that one," I said dejectedly and slightly annoyed at how Blaise got to ask the questions before I did.

Everyone then decided to turn to me and give me confused/angry looks.

"Taking glory for that act was highly unintelligent," said Temith sharply.

After a couple of grunts of agreement from the centaurs, we settled into another awkward silence. It was almost painful. We've been in at least eight awkward silences today. I even tried inching away, but the centaur facing my back snorted angrily enough to make me cower behind Blaise. Blaise nudged for me to get up, and we resumed our awkward silence.

After a slight shift from the birthday centaur, or Kemlo, he said in a meek voice, "So I guess we should attack Grawp too?"

There were a couple of murmurs and a loud 'Yeah!' from the back of the herd before Temith said, "No. We don't know too much about the creature to attack."

Well, at least the brute was wise enough to see that.

All he has to do now is let us go. Who knew that by the end of the day, I'd be in the Forbidden Forest with the golden trio and an angry mob of centaurs.

I saw the centaurs head start shaking in a really weird angle, his mouth open four times, and his hands hit his ears a couple of times before saying, "Okay, we shall let you wizards go. Keep in mind this is not out of sympathy. I don't want you wizards in here unless the world is in grave danger again. Understood?"

"Understood," replied the trio simultaneously.

And, as you can guess, there was another awkward silence.

"Can us go now?" asked the grawp thingy, apparently oblivious to the tension filling the whole forest.

Granger gave him a stern look and shook her head.

"Please," it added sheepishly.

The centaurs nodded their consent.

Granger sighed in relief and looked at the creature sweetly. "Okay Grawp. Can you pick us up and bring us to Hagrid?"

"Okay Herhine. Me takes yous to Hagrid!" said Grawp happily.

Blaise and I had to snort at the way that thing couldn't pronounce Granger's name. We were having a good time making fun of that until that things huge hand came creeping towards us…

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

After Harry, Ron, and I got picked up by Grawp, the Slytherins just couldn't help having something to say.

"You're not seriously going to make us get on that-." Malfoy started with a sneer.

Grawp looked at them weirdly, his face almost daring us to say something mean.

"Nice thing," finished Blaise awkwardly. Everything involving us five was awkward these days.

"Sees! Me nicey thing!" Grawp said with triumph.

"Yes you are Grawp," I replied. I then looked at the two most infuriating Slytherins in the world. "And yes, I do expect you to jump up in his hand. It's the only way for guaranteeing a safe journey from the wolf-hounds."

Of course, Harry and Ron knew the wolf-hounds wouldn't come, but we had to scare them into trusting Grawp somehow.

"I thought there were no wolf-hounds. You said they wouldn't come bother us," said Zabini with an unmistakable shiver in his voice.

I inwardly groaned at Zabini's ability to remember information. This calls for a quick lie. "No, I only said wolf-hounds wouldn't come and attack Harry, Ron, and me. The hounds don't know you, so like the spiders, they won't give up fresh blood. Plus, Malfoy is getting incredibly porky so…"

"I am not fat mudblood. I have a way better body than your two boyfriends."

"You're only putting us down because you actually are fat _and_ insecure," said Harry with a triumphant grin.

I glared at Harry for making it worse, but I did let him see the glint in my eye that showed him I liked his comeback. He winked back as Ron started making weird chortling sounds.

To my surprise and amusement, I turned back around and found Malfoy sucking it up and climbing on Grawp.

Temith sighed with annoyance. We apparently solidified his belief that all wizards are stupid, slow, and slightly sadistic. "We shall escort you out of the forest, to make sure nothing happens to our home."

"Okay," said Grawp in a happy voice. Apparently he was happy to see us. We hadn't visited him since the end of 6th year.

Temith sighed again. "Herd in formation behind that…"

"Nice thing," said Zabini before Temith could offend Grawp. The giant had the worst temper, especially when you actually inform him of the huge booger up his nose.

"Yes, behind that nice thing," agreed Temith with yet another sigh. "No one strays, which means no stopping for grass. That means you Golroy."

"Aw man!"

I rolled my eyes at his commands. Honestly, you'd think he was preparing to travel across the continent on foot. One centaur saw me roll my eyes and grunted at me. I rolled my eyes at the other centaur this time before turning the other way and getting out of the forest.

…………………………………………………………………..

After getting off that awful creature, at the edge of the forest, it left to go chase after a butterfly it saw. The centaurs were just standing there stupidly and waiting for us to get far enough away from the forest.

"I hope you have a happy birthday," said Blaise trying to be sincere, even though we all know he sucks at it.

"I don't think we should care," I said without thinking and more annoyed than ever.

The Golden Trio and Blaise looked at me like I was the murderous herd of centaurs. I shrugged back. If I don't care about people, I tell them. Granger should know that by now.

My thoughts were interrupted by a low growl.

"What did you just say wizard?" asked the Kemlo centaur in a low grumble.

"I said, I don't think we should care about your birthday centaur," I repeated icily, not aware of Kemlo advancing on me with an angry expression.

The before mentioned centaur then started to beat it's hooves against the ground. You could practically see the steam coming out of his nose, and his eyes turned this dark shade of red. It doesn't scare me though. The only reaction I had was staring back at it in amusement.

"Now he's gone and done it," I heard the Weasel whisper.

I rolled my eyes. These centaurs weren't going to hurt us. I don't even think they intended to when we were in the forest. Well, actually I did, but that's not the point. What are they so afraid of? We're out of the forest so these centaurs aren't a threat anymore…right?

"That wizard ruined his birthday," yelled a centaur in the back.

I saw the trio and Blaise back away from where I was standing. I only had time to give them a look of confusion before I heard a loud…

"AARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Draco, RUN!" screamed Blaise. "RUN FOR YOUR CLOSE TO BEING NON-EXISTANT LIFE!"

Despite Blaise's optimistic view of the situation, I did exactly what he told me. Fortunately, the oaf's hut wasn't to far away, so all we had to do was run to the other side of it. Granger, out of breath, pointed to the wheelbarrow positioned next to the hut. Apparently it was a sign for us to hide in it. We got in it just in time for us to miss Kemlo. The wheelbarrow was huge, so we didn't have much of a problem trying to fit in it…after Granger used a spell to make it roomier.

Once we were as settled as we could be, Potter said, "Look at what you did. I can't believe you went and upset a centaur! On his birthday no less!"

I glared at him and couldn't help but notice I was getting a clear view of that awful hut. I'm probably going to be in this wheelbarrow staring at it for a while, and that didn't comfort me much. The fact that Potter was across from me giving his 'death' glare with Granger and Weasley on either side of him didn't better the situation either. Blaise was next to Granger and couldn't stop staring at his and Granger's knee. I was about to think of it as a subtle romantic interlude before he hit her knee so she could move it and make more room for him.

Before she could say something to Blaise, I saw Potter peek out of the wheelbarrow and shush us. I could here grunting coming from behind where I was positioned, so I immediately quieted my breathing.

Once Kemlo left, I gave my long awaited retort. "Well, Potter, he probably left by now. Centaurs aren't known for their temper."

Weasley shifted slightly. "I wouldn't count on that."

"Guys, keep your voices down," chastised Granger.

There was yet another awkward silence. You know, it's really hard being in a wheelbarrow full of tension and listening for a centaur in dire need of a psychiatrist all at the same time. But then again, after starting a fight with an apple, a book, and hand sanitizer, nicknaming Granger's butt, and throwing the Golden trio off the astronomy tower, this didn't seem too bad.

"He probably already left," I said after a while.

"Actually, ferret, you just upset the one centaur with an anger management problem. It's something about not getting enough milk when he was a baby or something, but, the point is, he's still searching for us, so you might as well be quiet," said Granger in choppy whispers.

I looked up, pondering why the world was so cruel and saw a wisp of orange and red. A torch wasn't to far out of reach. It might come in handy if he finds us. I know that the trio probably wouldn't want to burn the hut down again, but I'm not stupid enough to let go of a torch right next to someone's house, no matter how insignificant it may be.

"So how long are we stuck in here?" asked Blaise after another long tension filled silence.

"Well, we have to make sure he doesn't come around again," said Granger not bothering to check.

"We might as well make ourselves comfortable," said Potter, arranging himself so that Granger would have the honor of putting her head on his shoulder.

Blaise watched with a furrowed brow and gave a rude snort before situating himself as well.

I gave Potter and Granger a disgusted look before looking up again. I could be stuck with the Golden Trio for an hour or more. Do they have any idea how much fighting we can accomplish during that amount of time? A lot! This is _ridiculous_.

"I'm not staying in here with you lot," I said decisively. "I'd rather get caught."

I stood up and got out of the wheelbarrow with all the grace in the world. The trio's face went from a look of annoyance to a look of fear in five seconds time. Blaise all the sudden got fidgety and started unconsciously crumpling up his, and to her annoyance, Granger's robes.

"Coming Blai-?"

Before I could finish, I heard hooves stomping up against the ground.

"AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I quickly jumped back in the wheelbarrow.

"Great job dumbass! Now get out of the wheelbarrow and let him chase you. I did not survive a war just to get killed in a wheelbarrow by an angry centaur who just got his birthday ruined by YOU!" yelled Potter.

I ignored him and looked around. I saw something earlier that was sure to help me out. Where was it? Maybe…Ah, the torch. I could fend him away with the torch. Yes, centaurs hate fire.

I got up and grab the torch and managed to tip the wheelbarrow over and make everyone land headfirst.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed the group before hitting the ground.

Everyone landed on a grassy area, which was good. If the truth ever got out, at least I could say it didn't hurt them to bad. Although, I can't say I felt sorry for the trio. I don't really give a damn if they got a concussion. Wait, Granger landed on a stony part. Is she still alive? She better be. I didn't intentionally try to kill her this time, so she better keep herself awake.

I was brought back to reality by the huffing centaur and Potter's slurred, airy, and pained yelling of, "Oh my gosh, he grabbed the torch!"

"Put the blasted torch down, Malfoy!" yelled Weasel. His yelling was slurred too, so I guess they both got a mild concussion.

Potter shook as if it would help him gain consciousness. He looked defeated and weary after a moment and could only sigh and say, "Oh, not another repeat."

I'm pretty sure I saw Granger trying to kick my shin before I turned around to face Kemlo. It was too late to put down the torch. There was already a glint in my eye, and I was determined to bring that annoying centaur down. I guess I have to teach it physically that I don't care about it's birthday.

Before I could do anything, though, Kemlo kicked my arm with his back legs and sent the torch flying and me along with it. Since we were all near the hut, the torch couldn't help but land on the roof, where all the straw and wood was. The roof immediately caught fire and sent sparks and smoke in every direction.

Damn, I promised myself I wouldn't be caught off guard.

"Oh shit, it's burning," Blaise said while trying to scramble himself away from the hut. He only managed to get a few feet away before lying defeated on the ground.

"No friggin' duh Zabini," said Potter trying to help Granger and Weasel up.

Of course, nobody really cared whether my arm was broken or not. Wow, it really hurts! That centaur was insufferable! What really pissed me off was the fact that it ran off right when the fire started. What a bastard. Wow, you'd think that my holy arm would be saved from all this.

"Get your ass up Draco. You don't have a friggin' concussion so get up!" yelled Blaise from his spot on the ground a few feet away.

I could tell yelling was making his head throb. I should know. Yelling isn't too fun for me either… well, except when I'm yelling at Granger…

"Get up Malfoy!" yelled Potter over the bright orange flames and the black smoke.

He managed to set Granger down, but then he tripped over Blaise and landed on his other side. I saw him grip his elbow and do a pretty good impression of a blind chimp, so I'm pretty much guessing that he landed on it. Plus, it didn't help much that Weasley landed on top of all of them.

I stopped watching the spectacle and grimaced in pain as I got up and tried to support my hurt arm. I started making a show of limping until I stood right in the reach of Granger's leg. I looked at their positions on the ground and decided to laugh about it later. They all looked like they were trying to make a really awkward (there's the dreaded word again) letter E.

I was about to lie down until something very infuriating happened. Of course it was by Granger. And do you know what she did? Well, let me tell you, it was very inhumane. Her aim was better this time though. Well, to put it shortly…

She kicked my bloody shin.

She was a little more conscious this time, and from what I could tell, the dizziness was subsiding, but that gave her no right to hurt a wounded man.

I fell to the ground with my hurt arm hitting the ground first. By this time, I had so much smoke in my lungs that it was almost too painful to yell out:

"OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

It hurt like a million bludgers were being beaten into my arm at once. It was bad, and once again, she was to blame. In fact, she was to blame about everything that has happened to me this year that's gone horribly wrong. My lungs will probably end up black after this. I couldn't help it; I had to kick her back.

Although, it would've helped if I hadn't missed and gotten Potter instead.

"Ow, you stupid git!" Potter yelled, coughing a little.

"Shut up, Potter! I wasn't aiming for you!"

"Yeah, you and everyone else," muttered Potter sarcastically. Wow, Golden Boy is still feeling bitter about people trying to kill him.

"Harry, don't be mad at that," sympathized Weasel after a wheeze.

Finally, someone with some sense. I shifted the weight off my hurt arm and resumed being completely annoyed with this particular group of people.

Weasley turned his head slightly and continued. "Be mad at the fact that he was trying to kick Hermione."

I groaned while Granger gave a mumbled agreement to Weasel's statement.

Now, if I had been worried about what Potter was doing instead of trying to find a way to inform someone of our situation, I would've seen him kick me in the shin again.

"What is up with people trying to kick my shin?" I asked before clawing out with my good arm.

Weasel was, unfortunately, the recipient of the clawing.

"Stop it Malfoy," he groaned before trying to hit my head.

Well, unfortunately, that hit Blaise.

He did his fair share of cursing before trying to get Weasel back. Unfortunately, his blow landed on my head.

So basically, it just continued on like this for a couple of minutes. We should've been thinking about how to get some help. The flames and the smoke were devouring the hut, and so far, no one noticed. Like I said before, we should've tried to get over our injuries and get some damn help. Instead, we tried to hit someone but ended up hitting someone else. After they missed, the other person would then curse and start the cycle all over again.

By the end of it, I was in so exhausted that I just had to pass out. Before I did, I saw a huge man and another man with a huge beard…

……………………………………………………………………………………

I woke up to find Harry and Ron lying on either side of me in the hospital wing. Then sun looked like it was setting and was making the sheets of the hospital wing pretty colors as opposed to the usual crisp white. I tried to sit up, but my head started spinning and throbbing, so I had to lie back down.

I could barely see Ron turn over in his bed.

"Good Hermione, you're awake," Ron said a little too cheerfully.

Cheerful people annoy me when I just wake up.

I groaned and this time, I managed to sit up. I looked around at all the hospital beds a sighed. At least they were in clear focus.

"We've got to stop doing this," I concluded.

"For once, I agree," said the pained voice of Zabini from the row of beds across from us.

Before I had time to show my shock, Malfoy gave a groan.

"Oh, shut up Malfoy. You're the only one whose head didn't hit the ground," said Harry with a hint of annoyance. He then tried to sit up as well and eat his chocolate.

"It's not my head you dim-wit, it's the skelegrow. Granger apparently cracked my arm open even more after kicking me," accused Malfoy while rubbing his arm. He really does have a flare for the dramatics doesn't he?

"Well, it would've been all well and good if you didn't have to reenact the wheelbarrow and torch incident," I said indignantly, trying to cross my arms over my chest. It ended up being too big of a task for my body to handle.

"You even knew about the incident after Temith told you. You knew not to grab for the torch," Harry said getting more and more annoyed. He then started abusing his chocolate by putting angry little teeth marks all over it.

I would've chastised him for that, but I was annoyed too. I might as well let him get his anger out.

"Well excuse me for not thinking clearly when an angry centaur who thinks I've ruined his birthday is trying to kill me!" Malfoy screamed.

"Exactly, you weren't thinking clearly!"

Malfoy got angrier and grabbed for the chocolate bar on his stand; smoke practically coming out of his ears after being in his head for a long day. Before he could throw it, however, Dumbledore and McGonagall walked in.

McGonagall gave an exasperated sigh after seeing the chocolate bar in Malfoy's hand and Harry's scowl. "Nice to see you all awake. Do I need an explanation?"

"Well," Malfoy started. "You see Professor, it's quite simple. We all got stuck in the Forbidden Forest by some stupid spell, and the centaurs made the hut catch fire."

McGonagall nodded slowly but unsurely and scanned the five of us. After a hesitant moment, she turned and looked at me.

I smiled and turned to look at Malfoy. "You know, if you keep lying, they might not believe you when something actually does happen the way you tell it."

Malfoy opened his mouth to retort but got cut off by McGonagall. "Thank you for pointing that out Miss Granger, but do you mind telling us what happened from your side of the story."

I smiled at my favorite Professor again. "Well, from what I remember…"

And so I went on to tell her everything from how we got knocked out in the Astronomy Tower, how we woke up in the forest, how we got Kemlo mad, and how we relived another wheelbarrow and torch incident. McGonagall's face was almost comical throughout the whole explanation. It ranged from narrowed eyes and pursed lips to wide eyes and a huge gaping mouth. Dumbledore, on the other hand, kept his face the same, but his eyes told us what he was thinking. The twinkle in his eye got the brightest when I retold the wheelbarrow and torch incident.

When I was done, McGonagall was going through the wide eyes and huge gaping mouth phase. "Did you figure out what happened to you during the time that you were knocked out?"

"I think you should ask those two for that one," offered Ron, finally managing to sit up.

McGonagall nodded with a stern expression on her sharp features. "Care to tell us Mr. Zabini, or should Mr. Malfoy take that honor."

"We didn't do anything," said the ever so stubborn Malfoy.

Professor McGonagall, in response to his comment, sat down and the nearest chair and sighed the heck out of herself. All the adults in my life have been sighing a lot lately.

"If I may Professor," said Dumbledore calmly before McGonagall had time to articulate anything else. "As much as I want to encourage your academic careers gentlemen, if you lie to me, I'm afraid you two are facing getting kicked off the Quidditch team."

Zabini's and Malfoy's eyes got considerably larger.

"You c-c-can't do that," sputtered Malfoy.

"That's n-n-not f-fair," continued Zabini.

They looked at each other in horror. After a couple of long seconds, Malfoy nodded in defeat.

Zabini took a deep breath and turned to face Dumbledore. "We flung them off the astronomy tower."

"YOU WHAT?" came the simultaneous yells of Harry, Ron, and me.

Zabini glared at us before continuing. "We didn't want to get caught, so instead of trying to maneuver through the castle, we flung them out of the astronomy tower onto a spongify bed."

We all stared in horror at Zabini, realization dawning on Harry's and my face. Ron was the only one with a confused expression.

"Well, is that why my legs have bruises on them?" asked Ron in awe.

Zabini then decided to join the exasperated sighing club. "No. You hit the balcony pretty hard on the way out. Not as bad as Granger. She could've hit a gargoyle on her…"

I turned pale white. Zabini and Malfoy could've killed me on a gargoyle.

"I think that's enough," said McGonagall, saving me from hearing anymore. "So, to get another close to impossible story straight, you two knocked those three out, threw them off the astronomy tower onto a spongify bed, tried to make Mr. Potter fart to attract an angry mob of centaurs to kill them in the Forbidden Forest-."

"Well, not originally, but the mob came anyway," added Zabini.

McGonagall rolled her eyes.

"The centaurs came anyway, and then a grawp creature came, Temith let you leave the forest unharmed, but you managed to cause trouble anyway? Mr. Malfoy, I can't believe you insulted Kemlo, who by the way has an anger management problem-."

"We kind of figured," said Blaise.

McGonagall rolled her eyes again and continued. "You insulted Kemlo, on his birthday, and started another wheelbarrow and torch incident which, by the way, you knew about. You two are hereby expelled-."

"You can't expel us!" cried an outraged Malfoy.

Dumbledore held up his hand to silence Malfoy. Malfoy sat back and tried to cross his arms to show his annoyance. He ended up feeling the pain of the skelegrow potion.

"As I was saying. You two are expelled from Quidditch the rest of the year," continued McGonagall.

"But it's our last year!" protested Zabini.

"You tried to kill those three. You're lucky I don't put you two in Azkaban!"

That shut the two Slytherins up considerably. Zabini had gotten paler with a horrified and outraged look, and Malfoy looked pained and tired.

"Also, you will be rebuilding Hagrid's hut by hand," added the professor.

"WE"RE WHAT!" the Slytherins asked simultaneously.

I had to try very hard to conceal my amusement. This is the best punishment they've gotten so far because of us, and we didn't even try anything this time.

"Rebuilding Hagrid's hut," McGonagall repeated. "No arguments, or else it will be much worse. Now, I should leave you five to your rest." She turned to Harry, Ron, and me. "You three feel better."

We nodded in appreciation before they left.

Unfortunately, Zabini and Malfoy were still sputtering angrily.

"How come when you guys pull a prank, we get blamed and ridiculed. Then, when we decide to pull a prank, we get blamed and ridiculed," said a frustrated and seething Malfoy.

"Cause you guys suck at coming up with pranks," Ron replied like it was obvious.

"That question was rhetorical idiot," Malfoy snapped nastily.

"Whatever, I'm not the one who got blamed for anything," Ron retorted, actually being able to cross his arms.

I stared at Ron and got jealous at the fact that he could actually show his annoyance. I looked at Harry and Malfoy, and it seemed like they were in no mood for talking. I can't say the same about Zabini though.

"Haven't you noticed that when McGonagall retells everything that we did, she makes it sound way stupider and outrageous than what I originally thought it would sound like," observed Blaise.

"Actually, the only thing I noticed was the fact that the way Malfoy broke his arm was almost the same way he broke it in third year…only Kemlo can't fly," I said trying to hold back my giggles.

Zabini, surprisingly, only nodded in agreement. He then tried to lie back down but ended up hitting the backboard instead.

He groaned. "Like you said before, Granger, we've got to stop doing this."

I nodded, surprised at the easiness of our conversation. Yeah, he really did have a concussion. I opened my mouth to tell him so, but I thought better of it.

Another long silence followed, but this time, it was a comfortable one. We ate our chocolate in peace, Malfoy completely forgetting to throw his bar at Harry. We were about to drink our dreamless sleep potions when Blaise asked another question, much to our annoyance.

"Have you guys noticed that we always forget to use our wands in these situations?" he asked nonchalantly, looking at each one of us pointedly. He than gave us all a nod and drank his potion.

Malfoy, Harry, Ron, and I reached into our pockets and groaned, feeling the tips of our wands poking the tips of our fingers.

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**Author's Note: So how was that. This was the first major case of writer's block I've had with this story. I didn't know if Grawp should play that huge of a role in this story just yet. Oh, and if some of you didn't get why Harry didn't tell the truth about Grawp, it's because Blaise and Draco don't know about him. So anyway, I tried to get in some sort of interaction and hints between Granger and a certain Slytherin (which ever one you think I leaned towards is up to you). So, R and R.**


	6. Psycho Pregnancies

Disclaimer:

Blaise: It's about time.

Draco: Yeah, my schedule was thrown off, and I even had to make an appearance in a Dumbledore/McGonagall Fic. I had no clue what I was doing in that story.

Hermione: I liked it. It gave me freedom to be with Oliver Wood.

Me: I frankly don't even know why you guys are complaining.

JKR: Well, it's not like my book is coming out anytime soon.

Cast: True dat, true dat.

Yeah, so everyting belongs to JKR…enough said.

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Okay, thanks to all my reviewers, though I doubt that they're probably still with me, because I haven't written in a while. I'm sorry for not writing in a while, but life got in the way. So, please enjoy this chapter and try not to chase me down with angry mob torches if it's not the best I've written.

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Ah, music. It always makes me happy. Especially when you're having one of those dreams when you dream about something with flowers and rainbows, and there's a field filled with bright colors and sunshine just waiting to be frolicked through. And usually, there are clarinets and trumpets playing with the occasional crescendo of a cymbal moving along faster and faster as you run faster and faster in the freshness of the air.

I was currently having one of those dreams. I had to start getting used to the happy kinds of dreams after the war ended. The only thing that ruined it though is that a flute was playing way out of tune to the point where you couldn't tell which key it was in. And of course, the embouchure wasn't set correctly from what I could tell, so the missed notes sounded like a sharp piccolo.

The frolicking in my dream immediately stopped. The clouds moved overhead as the flute became more and more sharp, and somehow, Ron came in and totally punched me in the face. The bouquet of flowers that I found in my hand at the moment came flying out of it, leaving Ron to laugh and step on them. After that, I started to laugh at him, which was probably not the smartest thing to do to dream Ron, because afterward, he decided kneeing me in the stomach was amusing.

That, thankfully, was when I decided to wake up. All the flowers, blue skies, and white puffy clouds were gone from my vision as I flipped my bushy earth-colored hair out of my eyes and sat up. The only thing that carried over into the real world was that incredibly sharp flute sound. It was a little harder to hear now that I was no longer being threatened by dream Ron, but it was still the most annoying thing I've ever heard nonetheless.

I got up, put a school robe on to cover my pajamas, and marched out of the room to find this flute playing imposter. Normally, people wouldn't care whether the flute playing was lyrically musical or not, but if you're going to wake people up this early in the morning, you have to at least be able to play fairly decent. As a former flute player, it must be bothering me the most.

Technically, I've been playing the flute since I was eight. My mother knew I would be a little rough around the edges when I grew up, so she gave me something feminine to do to help me out. I wasn't too fond of the basics part of the instrument, but I loved the music enough to continue. For the lack of a better phrase, it just sounded so pretty. Of course, since around fifth year, I stopped playing because of a certain all out killing spree that was raging, but I've taken it out once in a while to tune it this year.

Anyways, the awful flute sound sounded like it was coming from the boy's dorm. more often than not, I wouldn't have cared, but since when did boys decide to play flute? Don't get me wrong, some of the most successful flute players have been men, but Gryffindor boys rival the Slytherins in the need to be manly. So the question is, what is this loony of a boy doing at seven in the morning playing flute?

This question became more and more confusing as I passed the doors of all the boys' dorms. The first through fourth year's dorms had no sound coming through the door, but the sound was particularly loud when I passed the sixth year dorm.

'So, we have a sixth year boy flute player. I knew Conner's true talent wasn't Quidditch,' I thought while also planning how to accidentally hit Conner with his flute.

I knocked loudly. "If you don't open the door, I will bloody well find a reason for you to do so," I warned, taking my wand out preparing to blast the door open.

I waited and listened, and I heard some shuffling and whispering going on between what appeared to be two sixth year boys.

"Open this damn door. Your horrible flute playing woke me up, and I demand that I punish someone," I yelled, past the point of irritation. Okay, so it wasn't really that big of a deal, but I hadn't been getting much sleep lately, and well, you do the Math.

As I raised my wand and was about to shatter the door into a million little pieces, the door was opened by none other than Ron Weasley.

"Ron?" I asked dumbfounded.

Ron gave me a sheepish grin and opened the door a little more to let me through. I walked in and found a familiar raven-haired boy slap-fighting a shiny silver flute floating in midair.

"Harry?" I asked, a little more confused than I wanted to be.

"Hey Hermione," Harry greeted through gritted teeth. "We've been trying to make this flute stop playing since six."

I rolled my eyes, confused no longer, and walked into the room towards the musical instrument in question. Then, with a swish of my wrist, the flute desisted, falling to the floor with a crack.

Ron rushed over to it faster than the need called for and picked it up. He sighed and turned back to me, his face contorted into a sort of weird grimace. "Thank you for stopping it Hermione," was all he said before leaving, his face changing from a grimace to a look of horror.

I looked after him, starting to get confused again, then turned to Harry. "Why did you need me to do that?" I asked. "You could've easily done that yourself."

"Well, I umm…forgot," Harry replied lamely, shuffling uncomfortably.

I surveyed him suspiciously. Harry was not inept in second year nonverbal spells.

"Then why was Ron all teary-eyed over it?" I asked.

"Well…the flute had been hitting him on the head for a while, and he was crying tears of joy," Harry said in a rush running out of the room and towards the portrait hole.

I sighed and let it go. Apparently, Ron had accidentally set the flute with a spell gone wrong, and Harry was just protecting him. Now, with my mood not up the bright morning cheerfulness, it would be much easier to deal with my potions partners.

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Draco's POV

This really wasn't working out.

And, I thought we would actually get through this unscathed since we were in the Potions Room where Snape could walk in at any moment.

But that didn't matter to my group.

Oh no.

As I picked the table in the middle of the room and set my materials down, a number of things happened.

First, Granger comes in with a temper that would most likely burn down the whole school and part of the Forbidden Forest. She came in grunting about how her daisies were ruined by some flute that punched her in the stomach and complained about her 'lack' of sleep.

Zabini, stupid prat, was actually being somewhat considerate of her temper because they had, over the course of the last week or so, come up with some sort of truce. And the worst part is, I wasn't in on it! You'd think after all the hell she'd put us through, he'd loathe her more as the detentions progressed. But no, his so called revenge plan involved getting on her good side. So, I waited patiently for a couple of days, and he still wouldn't tell me, so I think that there is no revenge plan. I think he went and asked Granger out or got her pregnant or…something.

Yeah, that's the solution!

If he wasn't cruel to her, than there must be something keeping him from being so. And Blaise did like children.

Yes, Granger was definitely pregnant.

After I made that conclusion, Weasel comes in crying about his silver pole, so I assumed that Granger hit his manly goods in her manly grumpiness. And I'm still trying to figure out why his pole is supposedly 'silver' as he put it. Well, he's poor, so maybe he didn't know any better and over looked better qualities such as platinum or gold.

Peasants.

Then there's Potter, who's trying to be the bloody mediator and only ended up with a bruised shin and a ripped robe, courtesy of his best friends. That left boy wonder all huffy towards me, and slightly scared of Granger, which was understandable after that kick of hers.

The fact that she's pregnant probably scared Potter as well. Snape once told me that women are more into their mood swings when they have a kid kicking at their stomach. That knowledge didn't help much with the situation though.

So yeah, this really wasn't working out, especially since we didn't have a solid base fore our potion. We were still in the phase of just mixing ingredients together to see what they would make, which got me more frustrated and angry with my group.

And if Granger wouldn't pass the rosemary that I'd asked her for three times in the last fifteen minutes, I would take this project into my own hands and make the whatever the hell we were making by myself.

I grabbed for the rosemary, roughly pushing past Granger's grouchy form.

She apparently thought that I was going to invade her territory, so she bit me hard on the elbow.

I winced and bit my lip, determined to not scream. Granger, scarred me.

Of course, she knew this and smiled to herself, taking the rosemary out of my mortally injured arm and putting it into the cauldron.

I put a random ingredient in the cauldron so she wouldn't have the last laugh and asked, "Just because someone twisted your wand doesn't mean the aggression should be taken out on me."

She turned a fiery gaze towards me.

"Malfoy, how I choose to let out my irritation-."

"Irritation!" I exclaimed incredulously.

She ignored this. "- or whatever emotion I'm feeling at the moment should be of no concern to you."

"It is when you bite my arm!" I exclaimed again, getting angrier.

"Actually, I would call it a light nibble," Wonder Boy corrected, his happy little bubble apparently blown back up.

"At least he wasn't dropped on the floor without a thought of whether it would hurt or not," Weasley muttered with a dark scowl on his face.

I was about to retort until I saw the look on Weasels face and the general direction he was staring at, which was Granger's. She didn't look too happy either. In fact, she looked downright sour and a little bit confused.

I definitely missed out on something.

"Does the reason Granger bit me have anything to do with you?" I asked Weasel as I turned to send a light glare his way.

"Light nibble," Potter chimed.

"Potter, it is not called a light nibble when it leaves this on my elbow," I said exasperated, pulling back my sleeve just to show him.

My point couldn't be made, however, because there was no mark. It was just a little red near the center, which didn't help my situation at all. I then turned my anger towards my elbow and slapped it before pulling my sleeve down.

"Well, at least he now knows that he's not mortally wounded Granger," Blaise commented with a bit of…of…amusement?

I stared at him completely knocked off my rocker. No…no, it wasn't me who was completely mental, it was them! All of them were against me, and they took Blaise down with them. He was going to die by the hand of two dogs and a wonder boy.

"What, Draco? It's not like I bit you," Blaise said almost sarcastically.

No, it was completely sarcastically!

He did get Granger pregnant!

"You did get Granger pregnant!" I yelled triumphantly, pointing at Blaise with a gleam in my eye knowing that that was probably the first logical thing uttered in that room today.

Everyone's reaction was different on finding out the truth. Weasley spit and sputtered into the potion we had been working on for the past hour. Potter slapped Weasley upside the head and then, just for good measure, slapped himself upside the head in order to make sure he heard my logic right. Granger's face went to being tomato red to rose red. She also started crying. It's probably because she knew her and Blaise had been caught. Blaise looked at Granger with wide eyes and put his head in his hands after giving me a good glare. He probably pretended he didn't know Granger was pregnant and was now upset he'd have to help her with the baby.

Yes, all their reactions proved they all knew Granger was pregnant.

And if they should've known I would've found out eventually. Stupid prats.

I smiled to myself and decided to continue on. "You all tried to hide it from me didn't you? Wait till everybody hears that their star Head Girl is pregnant with a pureblooded Slytherin's baby. I've got you all, and you didn't think I would!" I yelled gleefully, laughing quite hysterically at the irony of it all.

Blaise and Granger.

Who would've thought?

Apparently no one, because they all looked up from their previous reactions and stared at me disbelievingly.

"Where in the bloodiest of hells did you get this idea?" Blaise asked, still trying to accept the fact that I knew. Oh yes, I knew.

"The only reason you're nice to Granger is because she's likely to be three months pregnant. And the only reason she's being a moody bitch is because pregnant women are all moody bitches!"

At this, Potter stared at me incredulously while Weasley whistled low and shook his head.

"Oh, so now I'm three months pregnant," Granger said, shaking her head and drying her tears.

"I didn't get her pregnant!" Blaise exclaimed wildly, his hands flailing in the air.

_Yeah, right, you damn bastard._

I laughed cruelly and got up from my chair, using my full height to tell them that I got them all under my well polished shoe.

"Oh yes you did. I'm surprised the whole truce thing was used as an excuse Zabini, because you usually come up with better ones," I said scathingly.

"Oh, so that's what this is about," I heard Potter whisper to Weasley. "We weren't too happy about it either, but we weren't as psycho as to think Hermione was pregnant with Zabini's baby."

"No, you weren't logical enough to figure that Granger was pregnant with Blaise's baby!" I yelled again.

Potter stared at me dumbfounded. Yeah that's right, I caught you whispering to your little friend, worm.

Blaise then decided it was his turn to speak again. "Draco, I'm pretty sure I'd know whether or not I did get Granger pregnant, considering I'm the one who has the ability to do so."

I shook my head at his weak explanation. "Your hormones got in the way."

"Draco, when your hormones got in the way, I'm pretty sure you knew whether or not you got the current whore of the moment pregnant!" Blaise yelled, probably infuriated by his hormones. "Granger and I do not have any relations other than a truce, which Granger's bodyguards over there sportingly picked up and you should to."

_You're not my dad Blaise._

And since when did I have to sportingly pick up anything Granger did or said? And since when did all three of them pick up this whole idea….oh. It was so obvious. All three of them sportingly picked up Granger! Yes, that did explain why they were all fighting with each other.

"You three all tried to get Granger pregnant! That's how you all sportingly picked her up! So that's what the kids are calling it these days, 'sportingly'. I'm going to have to use that someday," I said, laughing at how stupid they were.

They all shook their heads at me, still not ready to except the truth of my genius.

I shook my head along with them.

Honestly, did they think to cover up a pregnancy? Did they even think about this at all before they went and knocked Granger up? No, they didn't. They were all against me. I have no clue how Granger being pregnant ties into everything, but I'm going to find out, and then all their planning would've been for nothing.

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Hermione's POV

"He's gone completely mental," Blaise said, staring horrified at a crazed Malfoy.

I had the same expression Blaise had on his face. It's not everyday you find out you're pregnant from some white-haired ferret.

"I knew your whole truce thing wouldn't have worked out," Ron muttered, scooting his chair backward to put more space between the group and himself.

I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance. In a matter of thirty or forty minutes, Malfoy went from slightly happier than usual to somewhat quiet to downright psychotic lunatic. Honestly, I'd think I'd know whether I'd let anyone get me pregnant.

I got up and started walking around the potions room looking for a draught that would take the psycho out of Malfoy. I checked in cabinets, behind Snape's desk, and on shelves for anything that would knock him out.

All the while, a heated argument still raged on.

"Draco, how did we all decide to get her pregnant. Just a few seconds ago, I was the one who gave her a kid. Why are you being so damn confusing?" yelled Blaise, distressed.

"What's so damn confusing is why you used a truce as an excuse to cover up a pregnancy. Have I taught you nothing?" yelled Malfoy back, equally distressed.

Ron, at this point, had his chair moved all the way back to the opposite wall and was watching the exchange with more amusement then necessary.

"Oh, is that why you're delusional. You think I neglected in telling you," Blaise said thoughtfully, his tone lighting up a little. He then made a move to try to get closer to Malfoy.

He recoiled with his hand out to keep the distance between them.

"Get back. I don't want to get pregnant too, Blaise. You should take it slowly, or else you'll have a million little Blaises running around yelling 'Daddy, Daddy'…"

I smiled a little at his comment. A million little Blaises would've been torture, but the part about Malfoy being afraid to be pregnant did say a lot about his gender. Hey, maybe there's a sleeping potion in this cabinet…

"Shut up Draco!" Blaise yelled, looking in my direction curiously before refocusing on his best friend. "And since when did you have the ability to get pregnant?"

"Yeah," Harry chimed in.

Oh, here we go.

Maybe I should put a light protective shield around me before a centaur chases someone around again. Hey look, figs. These might come in handy. I then looked over at the cauldron to see if the color allowed me to put my ingredient in.

It was the weirdest shade of light and delicate pink, with a little bit of yellow here and there.

Okay, maybe the fig wouldn't work out too well.

"What do you mean yeah, Potter?" Malfoy asked, his voice deadly quiet as he looked at Harry.

Harry, knowing that this was his most dangerous voice, tried to push his buttons at an even faster pace.

"Malfoy, you can't say you're gender confused now that you know you can get pregnant," Harry said, his smirk taking up the whole bottom half of his face.

_Since when did we go from my apparent pregnancy to his? _

I shook my head and checked in the last cabinet left. I looked at all of the ingredients and decided that they were too stale to put in the cauldron except for…

_Ooo, lacewing flies…no, it would clash with the basil Malfoy randomly added_.

So I guess that's it. I've checked everywhere except for Snape's secret stash, but he recently put security in his store, so that wasn't an option. I guess I'm just going to have to stick with the potion I already have.

Yeah, I should. But should I test it on something first?

I closed the cabinet and was about to go get a sample of our potion. When I turned around, Blaise was still curiously staring at me, but so was Ron. I made the 'shh' sign with my finger and quietly made my way towards the potion. Blaise, being the sneaky devil that he is, caught on to my idea and moved a little closer to Draco.

"Hey, Harry, no wonder he got mad when you called him fat," Ron said, a confused look still on his face.

"I never was gender confused, and I am not fat!" Malfoy said indignantly, stomping his foot on the ground for good measure.

The next thing he did was unexpected. Right when I put a little bit of our potion in a vial glass, Malfoy lunged at Blaise. They both fell over the desk behind them and hit the ground hard, Blaise being the one on his back

'Well, there goes my plan,' I thought as I watched Malfoy slap Blaise and…

Oh my gosh, Malfoy slapped Blaise.

"What was that for?" Blaise asked, slapping him back. He tried getting Malfoy off of him, but that came to no avail because Malfoy had him pinned between his knees.

Malfoy then slapped him back and was now in hysterics. "You did everything. You got us in trouble, made Wonder Boy and pet accept you, made Granger have a kid, and now you're calling me a girl!"

Blaise finally looked at him with fear in his eyes. "One of you get Madame Pomfrey. He's suffering from…from… I don't know what the hell he's suffering from but just go get help!"

Harry was about to go and get help until Ron got up and said, "Harry, you might want to mediate like you always do."

Harry nodded but gave him a curious look as he ran out of the room. I have to admit, I was rather curious myself, because Ron usually enjoys seeing a good fight, especially a fight between Malfoy and Blaise.

I looked away from the space Ron previously occupied and turned my attention towards Blaise, whose cheeks were both raw, and Malfoy.

"Tell Granger you're sorry for getting her pregnant," Malfoy said authoritatively before slapping him again.

Blaise tried struggling himself out again, but the result still had him between Malfoy's knees. He finally gave up, his energy spent, and instead tried to fight Malfoy off with words.

I shook my head and thought, 'Yeah, like that would help'.

"Draco, where do you honestly come up with these ideas? Does Granger look pregnant right now?" Blaise asked, desperate for a way out from Malfoy's clutches.

"Yes," was his automatic reply.

I took offense to this. My mouth dropped open into an infuriated 'O' and I grabbed the vial in anger and started heading towards him. I am not fat; he at least weighed thirty pounds more than I did, and this vial was going to find a nice home up his fat arse.

Once I got to the point where I was right in front of his face, I took out my want and yelled, "Immobulus!"

My satisfying reward was Malfoy stopping in mid-slap with his mouth open from yelling at Blaise.

I smiled down at him and uttered another spell, directing it at a nice spot in his hair. My smile got wider as strand after strand of white blonde hair made its way towards Blaise's face, disgusting him beyond belief.

Frankly, I don't even know why he was disgusted, because I just gave Malfoy a bald spot.

He didn't know this, given his position on the floor and started sputtering and taking the strands off with his hands, throwing them in no particular direction. When he was done, he looked up at me with a light glare.

"You know Granger, I'm proud that you have him immobilized and everything, since he was about to kill me and all, but you could've at least gotten him off me," he said sarcastically his expression changing from light anger to exasperation.

"Sorry, but I tried to catch him in a position where he had his mouth open," I said, all the while tilting Malfoy's head back so our potion would go down quicker.

Harry watched me and figured what I was doing before warning me.

"Hermione, as much as I want to see the effects of this potion, do you think we should be testing it on him. He could die," he said in a cool voice, devoid of any compassion even though his words suggested otherwise.

"Harry, I'm sure the ferret appreciates your warning, but the color of the potion is enough to tell me that he won't die. He could get sick though, and we wouldn't want that," I said sarcastically, giving a quick explanation before tipping the vial so three drops of the liquid dripped down into Malfoy's stiff mouth.

I watched and waited.

Within a few seconds, Malfoy's skin started crawling and his nose started to grow longer. Even with my spell on him, Malfoy began to shake uncontrollably, his knees loosening their grip on Blaise.

"Finally," Blaise sighed, pushing Malfoy off leaving him in an awkward position on the floor. He dusted himself off and ran a quick hand through his hair before he turned his attention back to Malfoy.

"Umm, Granger, I think Malfoy got a couple of inches shorter."

"And skinnier," Harry added, coming to stand next to me.

I rolled my eyes and said, "Harry, as funny as you making him think he has a weight problem is and everything, this is not the time to…hey, he did get skinnier and…Professor McGonagall!"

My comment appeared to be the thought process of both of the boys in this room, because Professor McGonagall's head was on what still was Malfoy's body. It was the most disturbing thing to see, or even imagine.

Blaise walked around Malfoy's body and said in utter amazement, "Professor McGonagall has a male anatomy,"

There was an awkward silence, almost haunting until Harry bust out laughing. It was the most childish thing. He pointed at Malfoy and flicked him in the nose, no doubt in his mind that Malfoy would get him back. He then kicked Malfoy in the shin and doubled over laughing.

I sighed and shook my head, two things I've been doing a lot of lately, and said, "Harry, I'm going to mobilize him again, so you might want to get a safe distance away."

Harry started stumbling backward, nodding his head and laughing even harder.

I rolled my eyes, another thing I've been doing lately, and turned my weary gaze back towards Malfoy. What I saw horrified me beyond reason. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life, and I couldn't make it go away.

My eyes…I think I'm going to cry.

Blaise, watching my reaction, mobilized him for me. I ran and hid behind Harry just so I could keep my life. Even though he couldn't move a few moments ago, he saw, tasted, and felt everything that we did to him. So right now, I'm guessing he's not a happy camper.

And rightly so, because the first thing Malfoy did was lunge at Blaise, screaming and grunting like a caveman. He put Blaise back in his old position, and he was more than happy to start slapping him again while Blaise was squirming for dear life.

But Blaise wasn't squirming for dear life, he was asking for his life to end.

He was laughing at a psychotic Malfoy.

"You look like Granger," Blaise said between snorts and fits of laughter. "Haha, Granger is trying to beat me up, hahahahahaha!"

And technically, I was trying to beat him up. Malfoy's face took on my facial features, therefore he looked exactly like me, minus the umm…girl parts required. Hell, he even had the same look of anger that I usually have when I'm feeling out of it. And the beauty of it was, Malfoy had no clue what had happened to him.

"What are you talking about? Are you imagining Granger on top of you all the time now that little Jimmy is due in two months?" He asked before slapping Blaise again.

_We named our non- existent baby Jimmy?_

"For Merlin's sake Draco, feel your fa…"

Blaise was currently cut off because Malfoy's face changed into that of Ginny Weasley's. It was completely terrifying for him. I mean, think about it. He's gotten beat up by McGonagall, Ginny, and me all in one Potions Project Meeting. I bet he was feeling particularly fuzzy towards a certain Head of House.

And of course, Blaise was sending a horrified expression towards Malfoy, so that made Malfoy touch all over his face. He touched his nose, his mouth, his ears, and finally his hair.

"Sweet Merlin, I'm a bloody Weasley!" he yelled, fingering the strands of long fiery red hair. He then looked towards me. "You," he roared, pointing at me. He then picked up the closest weapon, which was a knife, and moved slowly towards me. "You made me look like a Weasley. You wanted to ruin the Malfoy line. You…"

"What is going on here? And Malfoy, put that knife down," commanded an all too familiar Irish lilt.

I moved from behind Harry, who still had an amused expression on his face, and towards Madame Pomfrey…no wait wrong Madame Pomfrey…Sweet Merlin there are two Madame Pomfreys!

"Mr. Malfoy, I don't appreciate you mocking me and…do you have a bald spot my lad?"

Malfoy's hands went directly to his hair, which was now the color of salt, just like Madame Pomfrey's.

"No matter,' she said, grabbing his hand and leading him away to the hospital wing, not bothering to ask us for an explanation. "We're going to have a fun time figuring out what you did to yourself. And then, you're going to explain everything to Dumble…don't you dare try to run from me boy!"

A distinct whine was heard from a good distance away before the pair completely disappeared from the dungeons.

I sighed in relief, glad that I wasn't about to get into trouble over what I had done. And if they finally decide to ask, Harry and I will just blame it on Blaise. He'll understand.

I got up and started to pack my potions kit and completely ignoring the curious look Harry was giving me.

He huffed, knowing I was ignoring him, before he started to pack up his things. Blaise did the same, and we were all in an aftermath awkward silence.

It was Harry who broke that awkward silence, letting his curiosity get the better of him.

"Hermione, you know the reason Malfoy went nuts is because you and Zabini didn't include him in your truce, and frankly, I want to know about just as much as he does," he said sternly, sitting down in a chair expectantly.

I cleared our cauldron and sat down too, completely unaware of Blaise's frantic look.

"Harry, I had to patrol when Blaise had the detention we gave him for…"

"Making it look like we tried to kill you," Blaise interjected.

I looked at Blaise before continuing, deciding to lie about how we came across a truce. "Right, and, as usual, we got in a fight, and then we decided it was all Snape's fault that we were fighting, so we made a truce. I'm free of revenge plans and he's free of detention, once he's done rebuilding Hagrid's house"

I bit my lower lip and watched for Harry's reaction.

He smirked. "You're lying."

"How?" I asked a little to loudly.

"You bite you're lower lip when you're nervous Hermione. Good Merlin, I've been your friend for seven years."

I stared at Harry in amazement. I never knew he noticed things like that.

But, Harry's analysis prompted me to give him a better explanation. There's no escaping this time. Blaise knew it too, because he sat down resignedly and waited for me to give a better explanation.

"Harry," I started. "We, like I said, both agreed it was Snape's fault for all our trouble, and Blaise convinced me that we shoul umm… pull a prank or to on him."

Harry gaped. "Hermione, that is so unlike you."

"Yes, I know. But it's technically a revenge plan without gain. We just want to see him suffer, if you will, for the fun of it. We're still going to be partners, and we're still going to have to finish this project."

Harry smirked. "I want in."

I got up and put my bag over my shoulder while the other two followed suit.

Before I could say anything, Blaise said, "See, Potter, we knew you would say that, and I knew Granger here wouldn't have a good time lying to you which is why we tried to keep it a secret."

"Were you planning on not including me?" Harry asked, a bit of annoyance in his voice.

I turned to look at him more directly. "Harry, if we told you, nothing would've stopped you from telling Ron. And Malfoy, being the smart bastard that he is, would've figured that we were keeping something from him."

"A good example, Potter," Blaise interrupted, "would be today. Granger and I had a truce, he figured something was going on, accused me, you, and wonder dog of getting Granger pregnant with a kid named Jimmy, and turned into three different girls that hit me in succession." He paused. "Wow, it sounds so ludicrous just saying it."

Harry's annoyance left his face. "Does that mean that we have to leave him out anyways, now that I know?"

I linked arms with him and walked out of the room as I thought.

"Well, he probably wouldn't want in if he's still in the mind frame of me being pregnant, but no, if he's sane, we're going to have to let him in," I said, running a hand through my hair.

Blaise, walking on the other side of me smiling at the irony. "Yeah, so this project really is bringing us together…against Snape."

I nodded at his comment while Harry looked thoughtful. "Except for Malfoy, now that he technically does have the ability to get pregnant."

I slapped Harry on the arm playfully as we finally reached the first floor of the castle. "He still had his body Harry."

"Yeah, but anyone looking wouldn't have guessed because they'd be looking at hot little Ginny. I would've laughed if her boyfriend went up and tried to kiss Malfoy."

Blaise snorted at this and asked, "Hey Granger, did you clean out our cauldron."

I thought. "Yeah, when we were cleaning. I still have two vials of the whatever we made though." I paused. "Yeah, so what did we make?"

"We're going to have to wait on Madame Pomfrey's report on that. I'm still wondering why he switched into all three girls," Harry said, scratching his head as we made it to the second floor.

I was about to give him my thoughts until I heard something… familiar.

I turned my head to the right so I could here a little better.

Off key, missed notes, and a really bad lyrical composition. High, but airy sound. Yep, it was the flute…the flute that started my day. The nasty little thing got in a bad mood this morning, and now it was going to die.

"Do you hear that, Harry?" I asked, in a trance as I started walking in long strides.

Harry started walking after me nervously. "Umm, Hermione, I think it's coming from the other direction."

I turned left down a corridor and growled, "Harry don't lie to me."

I then tried unlinked arms with Harry so I could walk faster, but he wouldn't let me. "Hermione, I seriously think the sound is coming from the other direction."

"And I think you're hearing is horrible Potter," Blaise said, running to keep up with me.

I saw Harry take out his wand, and I accio-d it right to me. I turned and glared at him for a moment, the fire in my eyes no doubt growing hotter.

"Harry," I asked with my analytical tone, "What are you hiding?"

Harry started shuffling his feet and sighed, "Nothing."

I smiled in triumph and went two more doors down before I stopped in front of a door leading into a broom closet. I paused, confused.

What is a flute doing in a broom closet?

Maybe it got charmed by somebody else.

There was only one way to find out though, so I opened the door and was staring right at the face of…

"Ron?"

"Hey Weasel, I didn't know you played flute," Blaise said in a mocking tone.

Ron looked around nervously, gripping his flute, until he narrowed his eyes at Harry. "You told them."

Harry crossed his arms. "I did no such thing."

"He's telling the truth Ron, I was the one who was curious. And what are you doing playing flute anyway?"

Ron huffed, "I like it okay. I like playing flute."

Well, at least that answers the question of why Ron was crying this morning. Music players don't generally like it when their instrument breaks.

I turned my curious gaze towards Harry. "And how did you find out?"

"Same way you did," was his reply.

I sighed for the millionth time that day and hit Blaise on the arm for laughing.

"What?" he asked, rubbing his arm.

I ran two hands through my hair this time and paced back and forth a couple of time before answering.

"Okay, you, Blaise, have a man purse, Malfoy has body issues, and Ron plays flute. And what do you do Harry, ballet?"

Harry looked scandalized. "No Hermione, I'm a drag queen…whoa, whoa there Hermione, just kidding."

I stopped pacing and flailed my arms in the air. "You guys are all more girly than I am."

"Okay, Granger, if it makes you feel better, it's not a man purse, it's just a bag that is essential to me in my everyday life," Blaise amended, looking a little embarrassed.

"I mean honestly," I continued, not noticing a dark figure a couple of feet away, "what am I supposed to do with you three? Throw a slumber party so we can do each others hair and talk about boys?"

"I suggest you don't, Miss Granger, if you want to keep that Head Girl position," said a drawling, baritone cynical voice.

"Professor Snape," Harry greeted nervously.

The professor ignored him, looked inside the broom closet and smiled cruelly.

"Weasley, were you playing flute in this broom closet?" he asked, his smile getting wider at Ron's reaction.

Ron hid his flute behind his back. "No sir."

Snape raised a questioning eyebrow towards Ron. "I suggest you get your flute playing self out of that closet before I deduct more than five points from your house."

Harry and I inwardly groaned at this.

"Yes sir," Ron replied, trying to shield his flute further from Snape's menacing gaze.

"Good," Snape said before turning on his heels and moving on his merry little way.

Harry waited before he turned the corner before he muttered, "Loathsome git."

"I wish I could've smacked him with my flute," Ron said darkly, bringing his flute out from hiding.

I looked at him weirdly before a conversation we had in the potions room popped up.

"Ron," I said smirking. "We might not get to smack him with your flute.."

"His name is Geraldo."

My smirk turned into a frown. "We might not get to smack him with Geraldo-."

"Much better."

"But we might be able to get revenge."

Ron's eyes brightened. "How?"

I walked into the broom closet and motioned for the other two boys to follow suit.

Ron stared at Blaise. "He's in on this too?"

I nodded. "It's why we formed the truce."

Ron stared at Blaise skeptically. "How are we going to do this?"

I smirked. "Well…"

I cast a silencing charm on the door while I explained to Ron and Harry the plan that would make Snape regret putting us in a group together.

……………………………………

**A/N: Yeah, so I know it's been a while, but that's how long my writer's block, computer problems and school kept me from writing. The battle scene in ATLT is still in the works. I'm sorry, but I wrote at least three drafts for the story, and none of them came out right. In the meantime, read my new story. R&R.**


	7. Red Blood Rage

Disclaimer-

Draco: Oh here's a new one. I apparently think I can get pregnant in this story.

Me: You know as well as I do that this is a light romantic fic.

Draco: My character does not get pregnant in light romantic fic. I just get detention all the time and end up making out with Granger.

Me: That might happen too.

Draco (pale): Making out with Granger?

Me: It's not like you're not used to it, what with all the fics about you on this site.

Hermione: And apparently, I'm supposed to be good at it.

Me: I don't see why you're complaining too.

Draco: I'm going to go muse JKR.

Yeah, so I don't own anything related to Harry Potter.

………………………………………………………………………

**A/N: Well, I guess I have to rebuild my base of readers again. I want to thank those of you who were still with me and those who reread the fic. I do understand I was gone for a while, so I will try to make amends with my writing.**

I especially want to thank **Karana Bell**, who is probably my most loyal reviewer ever. So smiles and bunnies to you.

Anyways, enjoy reading, or rereading, whichever.

……………………………………………………………..

Professor McGonagall looked at me with discomfort.

We had told her bits and pieces of what happened on our way up her, but she wasn't ready to stomach everything until now.

Her disappointment showed on her face. I, according to her, was her brightest student, her favorite, though she would never admit it. I was her pride and joy. Yet, here I was with a boy-girl twin with a potions project that brought nothing but misery and a whole bunch of far-fetched events that would never happen to a normal person.

I made up my mind.

This has definitely got to stop.

Honestly, if she wasn't a figure of authority at this school, she would be laughing her wrinkled old arse up at all tour expressions.

Malfoy was sitting up on a crisp, white hospital bed grumbling about how life was unfair and how he didn't do anything to deserve looking like Granger or any other girl he turned into. I was sitting in a chair muttering darkly about how I didn't do anything to have Malfoy look like me. Blaise was in the hospital bed across of Malfoy humming a made-up song about the previously experienced event, adding that he will never get grand kids if his looks don't improve. Ron was standing behind me petting his flute and whispering something the lines of 'they know about us now Geraldo'. And of course, there was Potter pacing, looking at the scene, shaking his head, and pacing again.

McGonagall sighed. "If it were anyone else, I would not be about to believe what you five are about to tell me."

"There's nothing to tell," murmured Harry.

"There's plenty to tell!" Malfoy exclaimed, flailing his arms in the air while looking at Harry incredulously.

Harry glared at Malfoy.

McGonagall rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Go ahead Mr. Malfoy."

"Finally," Malfoy sighed triumphantly. "I was sitting and observing our group, because they were all mad with each other for some reason. I then looked at Blaise and Granger. Granger was looking incredibly chunky"- at this, I scoffed- " and I was finally enlightened. Granger had sexual intercourse with all three of them, but it was Blaise's child. That's why they came up with the truce idea, to keep me from knowing." He then glared at all of us. "It didn't work."

I couldn't restrain myself any longer. "Professor, do I honestly look pregnant to you right now."

McGonagall looked at the brunette. She was actually looking thinner than usual, and she definitely isn't stupid enough to get pregnant by Blaise Zabini. Or at least, she didn't think so.

"No Miss Granger, you don't," McGonagall said, smiling gently, praying that I would never have a child with Blaise Zabini.

"Yes, she does," yelled Malfoy flailing his arms again. "She's about to be due, and her and Blaise are going to name their kid Jimmy, get married, and go on a honeymoon to Siberia."

"Siberia!" Blaise and I exclaimed together.

"And I thought you thought I had better taste than that," Blaise muttered.

"Malfoy, I think you're suffering from shock and hallucinations and maybe a little bit of jealousy," Harry stated matter-of-factly while stopping his pacing to momentarily glare at him.

"Geraldo agrees," Ron chimed.

I sighed.

"Ok, enough," McGonagall said sternly. She then turned to me, hoping that I still had my wits and my gender. "Miss Granger, what is your view of the story?"

"Well," I began. "Malfoy was just sitting there, and then all of the sudden he lit up, pointed at me, and yelled that I was pregnant. And Malfoy might be an expert at telling if a woman has a kid in her stomach or not, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I'm actually menstruating right now!"

"Ewww. That's disgusting!" The boys cried in unison.

I ignored them. "Then, he started ranting about how we were stupid to try to hide my pregnancy from him and accused Harry and Ron of trying to get me pregnant too. He all of the sudden got really nutty, and then he jumped on Blaise. By then, I knew he was sick and-."

"I am not sick!"

"And I immobilized him. I was then going to put him to sleep and bring him up to the hospital wing, but that amounted to nothing, because instead of putting him to sleep, the potion did that"- I pointed at Malfoy, who currently looked like McGonagall again- "but he didn't notice. He went and started punching and slapping Blaise again, then Madame Pomfrey came in."

McGonagall nodded. "Merlin help me understand this, but, you were all in the potions lab, Malfoy randomly accuses Granger of being pregnant, then he goes further by accusing you three that you all tried to get her pregnant all the while protecting himself from being pregnant, he attacks Zabini, is immobilized and given a potion, turns into three different women that all end up attacking Zabini, then Poppy thankfully pops in. And, to everyone's greatest surprise, Mr. Weasley plays a flute named Geraldo."

So she was listening to that part on our way up here.

"It really does sound stupid when you voice everything out loud," I said to Blaise.

Malfoy snorted. "Haha, Geraldo."

"Yeah, seriously Weasley, you should've named your flute after a girl," Blaise tsked, shifting his position on his bed.

Ron pouted and stroked his flute. "It didn't look like a girl."

At this, everyone either gaped or had really dirty mental images.

"Okay, well, I should inform Dumbledore and Snape. I want you five to stay in this hospital wing until I get back, do you understand?" McGonagall said sternly.

"Yes, Professor," we chorused.

"Good, good," she said breathlessly, practically running from the hospital wing, not believing a word we just said.

I looked intently after her, completely relieved that their punishment would be delayed for a bit. "Well, it could've been worse."

There was a moment of silence.

"No, no it really couldn't," the group muttered before returning to their brooding or grumbling.

I lightly stomped my foot in a moment of frustration. "We have to finish what we planned to do. You know Snape probably won't let us graduate if we don't do this."

"Gee Granger, I didn't know," Malfoy said acerbically, crossing his arms for effect.

I disregarded him. "We should at least make a record of our findings so we know what we could do to improve."

Blaise smirked and reached into his man purse. "Leave it to Granger."

Harry wordlessly agreed by pulling up a seat next to Malfoy's bed, but not near enough for any scratching or slapping to occur. "Well, I don't think I fancy a pink potion anymore than anyone in this room."

Ron pulled up a seat and set his flute in his lap. "Agreed."

I looked at Malfoy. "I still don't know what caused Malfoy's condition."

"Granger, I'm pretty sure that no one else knows either," Malfoy said. He scratched his head, and before I knew it, his head altered to that of Professor Sprouts.

The group tried not to laugh. Him not knowing when his head changed made the situation incredibly hilarious.

Harry scratched his nose. "Malfoy did add that bit of basil before he started throwing that tantrum of his."

"Dammit, that's it. Malfoy added basil, which in turn, makes his magic unstable, which is why his features are changing every time they feel like it," Blaise said.

"His fault," muttered Ron.

"It is not my fault!" Malfoy exclaimed, his face starting to have a light tint of rose. "If that she-devil we call Granger hadn't been all I'm-on-my-period-today, then I wouldn't have recognized that she was pregnant. Her water is probably about to break anytime now."

"Malfoy," I snarled, turning around heatedly. "How can I go from two months pregnant, to six, to naming my kid Jimmy, to about to have my kid at any moment? A pregnancy doesn't go by that fast, and Merlin help your future wife if you think it does."

"She can handle ten little Malfoy heirs," Malfoy pouted.

"Ten! Again, Merlin help her," I said, shaking her head.

"Okay, so no more basil," Harry said, wiping his glasses. "What else did we add?"

"Umm, hold on," Blaise said while turning to the next page of parchment. "Bay leaves, a bit of cinnamon, and a pinch of pepper."

My face hardened. "Who added the pepper?"

There was another moment of silence before Ron meekly raised his hand. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes. "That explains the random changing. Pepper adds a certain erratic reaction to any potion. Malfoy could all of the sudden start mooing or turning into a llama. The bay leaves will give him hallucinations, seeing as they go along with Divination. Explains why he expects a baby to pop out of me anytime soon, and it made his earlier idiocy worse. The cinnamon is why he's turning into girls."

"Harry, I knew we should've put cinnamon in the potion we gave him last year," Ron said nudging Harry.

Malfoy glowered at them and said through gritted teeth, "You tried to poison me in sixth year?"

I continued before another fight could break out. "Anything else Blaise?"

"Anything else Blaise?" mimicked Malfoy.

Blaise sighed. "A rose petal."

Something in my brain clicked. "There's another reason why he keeps on turning into girls." I glanced at Malfoy. He turned back into me again, and it got more and more revolting each time I looked at it. "The rose petal is of course what you could call a feminine ingredient. It triggers something in the brain and also causes some hallucinations. That's why it's in love potions."

"So," Ron said, the most solemn expression on his face. "Malfoy is in love with McGonagall, Pomfrey, Sprout and you." He turned to face Malfoy more directly. "I thought you had better taste, what with your reputation and all. You need some more direction in your life."

"Says the boy who is probably going to live in a box," retorted Malfoy.

I ignored the fighting again and said. "Well, he's not essentially in love or lust with either of us. It just means he's thinking about us when he transforms."

"So, he was basically thinking about killing you when he attacked me and looked like you?" Blaise asked while gesturing towards Malfoy. "Fascinating. And just what were you thinking when you turned into little Miss Weasley, Draco?"

There was silence.

"I think you should all go to hell," was his reply.

A smirk formed on Harry's lips. "Is someone currently smitten with our Ginerva?"

"You like Ginny?" Ron asked forebodingly, clenching his fists.

"I thought no such thing," Malfoy denied.

I had to smile. "Yeah, ok."

Blaise smacked his forehead. "She just had to join in." He then smacked himself again, hoping that the last one would help him pass out.

"Well, she was just my make out buddy, but she currently got herself a boyfriend. It's unlike you and Blaise, Granger. You two are making babies left and right," Malfoy accused, his covers falling to uncover his upper body as he sat up.

Blaise sighed. Ever since before they interrupted Gryffindor Quidditch practice, he knew the truth would get out like this. He just hoped that Draco wouldn't refer to her as the half-blood, like they usually did just to cover up the option of the girl being a Weasley.

"You were kissing Ginny?" Ron asked precariously, his face starting to get the famous Weasley red.

"Yes, I already stated that. The little half-blood didn't mind either," Malfoy said, sneering.

All of Blaise's hopes just flew out the window.

"She is not a half-blood!" Ron roared, his fists flailing in the air.

"Draco," Blaise warned.

Malfoy glared at Blaise and glowered.

I spoke up before another silence could ensue. "Well, looks like the only thing we have to do is give him something that would neutralize the effects, and he's back to being a male member of society."

Everyone grumbled at the thought of making a side potion with the potion we're already having a bit too much trouble with. I started making a list of ingredients with Blaise while Harry and Ron continued to stare contemplatively at Malfoy.

And then, the weirdest thing happened.

All of the sudden, Malfoy doubled over.

"Draco, you ok mate?" Blaise asked warily and started heading towards him despite Madame Pomfrey's order for him to lie down awile.

Malfoy held out a hand to still him and sat back. Once he did, he doubled over again and whimpered.

"Are you being serious about whatever the hell is going on Malfoy?" Harry asked in a bored tone.

Malfoy bent over even further and nodded his head.

"Oh sweet Merlin," I sighed as I watched Malfoy double over again and again.

Everyone else continued to stare as well. What was going on with him?

After a few moments, Blaise huffed. "Well, we can't very well have him die on us."

"He's not going to die," I said, still looking at Malfoy confused.

"Cramps," Malfoy squeaked.

"Since when did you get cramps?" Ron asked insensitively.

"Since now, you git," Malfoy responded through gritted teeth.

"Where?" I asked, getting a little concerned. Blaise was right. We couldn't have him die on us.

Malfoy took his bed sheet off and pointed to his abdomen.

"You're getting stomach cramps?" Blaise asked a little dubiously.

Malfoy shook his head and squeaked, "Lower."

At this I was completely confused. "But…but, why?"

"I don't know Granger! Do you want an essay or something?" he yelped.

I didn't answer. What was I supposed to say?

I mean this whole thing was a little abrupt. In fact, this whole project was a little sudden. The only thing we've been doing is fighting our way through it. We've gone from burning my favorite book in the entire world to accusing me of being pregnant in just about a month. And now, Malfoy was bent over having the cramps of a lifetime.

I shook my head and looked at him again. I attempted a glare, but he then decided to rollover and hug his knees.

And then I saw it.

There was a little stain of blood on the crisp, white bed sheet of the hospital bed. And the only one who had been lying in that bed was Draco Malfoy.

"Malfoy," I said, astonished by what I saw. "Are you on your period?"

Malfoy's cramps ceased for five seconds as he looked at me. "Excuse me?"

Ron, appalled, pointed at the bed sheet.

Malfoy looked at it. "Sweet Merlin!" He exclaimed, jumping off the bed. "I'm having menstrual cramps."

The rest of us looked at Malfoy as if he were Voldemort. We were all horror-struck, traumatized, and holding in our laughter. Oh sure, the situation might not be amusing to him, but it was exceedingly hilarious to us. It's not everyday you hear Malfoy yell 'I'm having menstrual cramps,' so this was certainly a day to remember.

Instead of bursting out laughing like the boys, I went to my school bag.

"Ha, Malfoy is a true girl now," Ron said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"He wasn't lying when he said he was pregnant!" Harry laughed, shaking and already halfway off his chair.

I looked at Malfoy again and giggled before giving him something in plastic wrap.

He took it and glared at it. "What is it?"

"It's a pad. I figured you'd need it. Unless you want a tampon, but I have a feeling that wouldn't work out," I said as sincerely as I could. It wasn't a good time to be mean, because it's not everyday boys get their periods.

Malfoy threw the pad at my face and made a move to lunge at me. Blaise immobilized him thankfully, and I back away to the other side of the bed.

I sighed. "Well now what are we supposed to do. McGonagall is coming back any second now and Malfoy is just going through his first period."

Blaise crinkled his nose and moved closer to Malfoy. "Do you think he's actually turning into a girl?"

I examined Malfoy. "No, I don't, but he's going to get pretty darn close to one if we don't make an antidote."

Blaise looked at him and backed away. "Uh, Granger, make his bleeding stop."

I looked at his, umm, area and waved my wand to clear the blood. "He really needs a pad."

"Well, I'm sure it's ok for you to put one on him, since he has girl parts now," Ron said, standing up from his chair with a grin still on his face.

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even sure whether he does have girl parts right now. We're going to have to ask him."

"How? He'll kill you before he'll let you talk to him," Harry said.

I looked from Malfoy to the bed a couple of times before saying, "I'll tie him to the bed."

It was Blaise's turn to raise an eyebrow. " A little kinky there?"

I pushed him lightly before walking past him and lifting Malfoy, placing him carefully on the bed, and tying his hands to the bed post. "Are you guys ready?" I asked while making sure the ropes were tight enough.

"Go ahead Granger," Blaise said, coming to stand next to me.

I lifted my spell and waited.

Malfoy looked around and tried to pull his arms from the rope. He smirked and looked up, giving me the most dangerous look he's ever given me in his life. "Oh, you're good Granger."

"Malfoy," I said strongly, which was all I could do to keep myself from taking a step back. "Do you still have your parts?"

He pulled at his ropes and growled, "Not for much longer if you keep me tied to this thing."

"No, not those parts, you prat, your male parts," Harry clarified.

Malfoy's face paled. "I think so."

Blaise gasped. "Shouldn't you know?"

"Well, not if the whole lower part of your body is numb, and the upper part of your body is sore from taking the cramps," Malfoy yelled, pulling at the ropes even harder.

"I'm going to need to know Draco," I said, using his first name to gain a different reaction from him. "I need to know so I can determine whether or not we can make a potion for you."

Malfoy looked at me aghast. "There is no way in hell that you're going to give me another one of your damned potions, especially one made for the purpose of our potions project."

"We're going to have to Malfoy," Harry said, a grim expression on his face. But, deep inside, he was having a Malfoy-turned-into-a-girl-day celebration.

Malfoy was now struggling fully against the rope, yanking and pulling as far as his limbs would permit him. "No we're not."

"Stop being so stubborn," Ron said exasperated.

"Says the king of being stubborn," snapped Malfoy before resuming his struggling.

Ron frowned, but said nothing.

"Are you sure you don't have feelings in you legs, cause you're moving them quite vibrantly," I stated, giving him a tiny bit of my pity to keep from laughing.

"Yes, Granger, I am certain that I can't feel my legs. And you're supposed to be first in our class," he replied tetchily, finally giving up. "I guess Ginny's going to have to come to me then."

At this, Ron blew up. "You will not hurt my sister, my friends, or my flute. Ever! And you know what, I'm going to permanently shut you up!"

Ron then shot a spell out of anger, but missed his target and accidentally severed the bed post from the bed. It was the biggest mistake he's ever made in his life.

In order to keep from falling backwards, Malfoy had to boost the bedpost up and over his head. At first, he just tried to balance the weight. And then he sat in silence for a moment, staring at each one of us.

Then he figured it out.

I subconsciously took Blaise's hand and started moving backwards, motioning for a bewildered Harry and a panicky Ron to follow along.

He knew how frightened we were.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"

"RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!" yelled Ron.

I turned around, almost tripping Blaise as I pulled him towards the door. I could hear the footsteps and the angry huff of air behind me. It was horrifying. We barely made it through the door.

It was the door itself, however, that stopped him.

"Let me through," Malfoy growled.

Once I heard that, I turned around to see what had happened.

The door wasn't wide enough to fit his bedpost through. We were saved!

"That was a close one Granger," Blaise said, laughing apprehensively, letting go of my hand, and nudging me.

"Yeah…oh, oh no!" I said looking back at Malfoy.

He had pushed himself through the wall! He hit the bedpost on the wall over and over again and poked a huge hole on both sides of the door. And to think, I actually thought he would figure out to get through the door by turning sideways.

I looked at Harry and widened my eyes.

So this was it then.

Draco Malfoy was truly on a rampage.

Before Malfoy started running, Blaise grabbed my hand again and started running for dear life. Harry and Ron followed, screaming at the top of their lungs.

"I didn't know girls got this mad when they're on their periods!" Ron yelled.

"Malfoy has completely lost his marbles!" Harry yelled back as we turned a corner.

"ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!" yelled Malfoy, turning that same corner.

As I looked back to see if we had put some space between us, Malfoy fell face first on the floor. I stood there and watched tranfixed. And just when I thought he was unconscious, he got back up and started screaming again.

"Granger, I WILL KILL YOU!"

And that's when I knew Malfoy had gone completely psycho.

………………………………………..

Professor McGonagall was hurriedly talking to Snape in the hallway about the current situation involving a certain group of students.

"Severus, you can't keep doing this. They'll kill each other," she pleaded.

Professor Snape would not have it. "Minerva, they are perfectly capable of finishing this project. And none of them have died yet. I put them in that group randomly anyways, so it's not like I planned it."

McGonagall knew perfectly well that that was a lie. "Severus, those five have caught each other on fire, thrown each other off the astronomy tower, and have blamed each other for being pregnant. Now tell me if you think that that is a healthy group dynamic."

Snape glared at her. "I want them in that group. They will work together, do whatever it is they have to do to get along, and finish the project. You have no say in this, and good Merlin neither does Dumbledore."

Professor McGonagall was just about to retort until she heard, "Granger, I WILL KILL YOU."

McGonagall gave a meaningful look to Snape and turned around in time to see Weasley, Potter, Zabini, and Granger screaming for dear life.

"He's gone completely mental!" screamed Granger.

"Stairs, oh sweet Merlin, STAIRS!" screamed Weasley.

She would've gone after them if she hadn't seen the predicament Malfoy was in.

"I'M GOING TO GET ALL OF YOU!" he yelled as he ran past the corridor McGonagall and Snape were in.

McGonagall stared horrified. Malfoy had a bedpost strapped to his arms while he was holding it over his head and screaming for blood. His face was beet red, and his features were contorted into a mask of ugly rage as he wobbled/ran down the hallway, blood dripping down his nose from his earlier fall.

"HAHA, STAIRS WON'T HELP YOU," he taunted as again, they all screamed for dear life.

McGongall turned around heatedly. "Do you see that Snape? Do you see what you have pushed your favorite student to?"

Snape, having seen what McGonagall was complaining about for the first time, rolled his eyes and hurried after them.

…………………………………………………..

Hermione's POV

We were now running faster and higher. Malfoy was right; Stairs wouldn't stop him. His eyes shown with pure rage as he bounded up the stairs two by two with the bedpost still above his head.

I looked ahead and quickly jumped the last three steps leading up to the astronomy tower. Blaise stumbled, still holding on to my hand, but still made it to the top without falling. Harry and Ron followed me in speedily, and Harry shut the door, hitting Malfoy's foot in the process.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" he screamed, and yanked his foot out, allowing Harry to close the door.

I quickly walked to the other side of the room and let myself breath again. We were safe for a short time, so Harry and Ron each took a seat, not winded in the least because of Quidditch.

"That was a close one," Ron said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "Merlin he was angry."

"Can't really blame him," Blaise said. "We did witness his first period."

I took out my wand and put a locking charm on it before running a hand through my now ruffled hair. "How did he get this way?"

"Well," Harry started. "It started ever since you threw that apple at him."

"No," Blaise said. "It started ever since Snape assigned us that project.

"Snape," Ron grumbled. "I can't wait to hear the reason behind his logic."

"There isn't any," I mumbled, frowning. "I think it was for his own enjoyment. Harry, we're never going to have a peaceful year."

Blaise patted my head. "Well, at least you can take the credit of driving Malfoy off the edge."

I glared at him. "You're not helping."

Thump.

I stared at the door, horrified. "Oh no."

Ron stared as well. "Hermione," he said shakily. "You did put a locking charm on the door right? He won't be able to get through will he?"

My face turned pale. "No, he can still break it down."

Everybody in the room turned pale as well.

"Well, it's been nice knowing you guys," Harry said, his eyes getting wider as the thumping on the door grew louder and louder.

We stared silently at the door, not daring to use our wands fearing that we might kill him or he might kill himself trying to knock the door down. Finally, I could see a clear distinct hole through the door. It got wider and wider as the seconds passed by, and finally, the hole was large enough for him to pass through. He did figure out that he had to enter sideways this time, which made it all the more terrifying.

He put on foot through the door. That foot slowly turned into a leg, and that leg turned into half his upper body and half the bedpost, and that turned into one angry Draco Malfoy.

He turned to face us, breathing heavy and through his nostrils. Sweat was coming by the gallons down his forehead, and his fangs were fully bared. His gaze slowly settled on Blaise and me, and he only got more livid.

"Why are you two holding hands?" he demanded with a growl.

I looked down and noticed that I was still holding Blaise's hand from our run, and I let it go as if it burned me.

"Oh, don't try to hide it Granger. I already uncovered what you were doing behind my back," he hissed and walked towards us.

As I saw him adjust the bedpost, I knew what he had in mind. He was going to beat us to death with a hospital wing bedpost.

Ron, seeing what he was doing, threw the first thing that he found, which was his flute, Geraldo. It hit Malfoy in the face and fell to the floor. Malfoy smiled a cruel smile and stepped on it. Ron gasped, and just for effect, Malfoy stepped on it again and again and again, smashing and breaking the keys.

I looked at Ron and saw that he was in tears. Harry stared back and forth between them and quickly went to go pat Ron on the back.

"Geraldo, I'll miss you," Ron whispered.

Harry kept on awkwardly patting his back and said, "It's okay Ron, mate. We can always repair it."

Ron nodded miserably and turned away from his now broken flute.

Malfoy ignored this little interlude and started walking towards Blaise and me again. His cruel smile was still on his face, and his eyes were ablaze with his anger.

And then our savior came.

I saw someone at the doorway, and he quickly stupefied Malfoy. Malfoy quickly stiffened and the bedpost hit him on the head as he fell to the floor.

He was really going to be feeling that in the morning.

I looked back up and saw that the figure in the doorway was Snape. I then heard footsteps, and saw that McGonagall had been running after him. She glared at Snape after she saw Malfoy's body on the ground.

"Severus, I told you not to stun him!" she screeched.

"He's not dead Minerva," he stated matter-of-factly as he cut the roped binding him to the bedpost. He then levitated him and left to return to the hospital wing.

When Snape was out of hearing distance, McGonagall turned to me. "What happened here?" she asked austerely.

I looked at her, my eyes still wide from what had just happened. "We were all arguing with him, and then all the sudden he had cramps and rolled over in his bed. I then saw blood on his bed sheet, and thought about where his cramps were, and figured that he was experiencing his first period."

McGonagall restrained herself from making a disgusted face.

I swallowed hard. "He then tried to start lunging at us again, but I stunned him and tied him to the bed, because I knew he was off his rocker and would not stop until we were all dead and buried, and then Ron uttered a spell that severed the bedpost from the bed and he ran after us all the way here."

McGonagall looked scandalized. "So he got mad again, went through his first menstrual cycle, and chased after you with a bedpost."

I nodded.

She shook her head and left the room, motioning us to come along, murmuring something along the lines of, "I can't wait to hear Snape explain himself now."

………………………….

We were back in the hospital wing. It was several hours past the ordeal, and Madame Pomfrey had helped me make a potion that countered our other one, turning Malfoy back to normal. He had also calmed down enough to tolerate us.

As it turned out, Malfoy hadn't had his period. The basil had a stranger reaction with the potion than I realized. It caused Malfoy to bleed through his, well…his butt. Ron, Harry, and Blaise were disgusted at the news, which caused Madame Pomfrey to save us from the details.

Now he was eating while we sat and stared at him.

I grudgingly admitted to myself that I felt bad for what had happened to him, crazy or not, so I made the group stay and try to apologize to him. It wasn't really working out too well.

I sighed and was about to open my mouth, but Malfoy beat me to it.

"You know what I think?" he asked us.

"What?" we all asked.

"Everything that has happened has been you three's fault," he said glaring at us.

Ron was about to retort, but I held him back.

"You three have been trying to make me miserable, and you three have taken Blaise with you. And the reason I think you're doing this is because you want to retaliate against Snape." He sipped on his pumpkin juice before continuing. "And, I want to join in."

Harry stared at him confused. "You what?"

Malfoy sighed. "Potter, after thinking about it, I realize that if Snape hadn't given us this project, none of this would be happening. He drove you to everything just like you drove me to my rage."

Blaise smirked and pulled up a chair next to his bed.

I smiled a small smile.

Finally, Malfoy was making some sense.

……………………………..

A/N: Ya, so how was that? I hope it was a good follow up to the last chapter, seeing as I haven't updated this story in a while, and I'm still trying to write the characters like I used to. R/R. Constructive criticism will be well received.


	8. The Pink Thong Operation

Disclaimer:

Ron: I can't believe you.

Me: I seem to be hearing that a lot lately.

Ron: Ever wonder why? It's because you're putting me through hell in this story.

Me: It's not hell.

Ron: Yeah, right. That's why I'm a flute player pansy thong boy in this story.

Me: Well, at least people don't think you're a crazy loser pregnant gender confused pansy like Malfoy.

Draco: Yeah, I know right.

**Apparently, nothing in the JKR world is mine.**

……………………………………………………..

A/N: Yes, so thank you to all my reviewers. I love you all and hope you enjoy this chapter.

Ron was acting weird again.

I don't know what it is with him. It seems like he's been walking on eggshells ever since yesterday when we decided to more or less harass Snape.

One minute, he'll be laughing nervously to himself, and the next he'll be breaking out into a cold sweat. And sometimes he would even get this creepy grin on his face that clearly stated that he was worrying himself sick over something.

Like right now.

"Ron, I'm pretty sure that smile put the sunshine back in everyone's lives. You can stop now," I said, patting his hand while eating a hardy breakfast. I would need all my strength if I was going to start plan A of Operation Thong.

Yes, I know right? The name is the worst name we have ever come up with in the history of our mischief. But, since it wasn't just a Golden Trio thing, two dimwitted males decided on the name. Malfoy claimed that Snape had this outrageous phobia of thongs, and Blaise continued on by saying that he was especially frightened by pink lacy ones.

Ron, Harry, and I were thrilled. Well, Harry and I were thrilled. Ron had this far away contemplative look that clearly meant that he was thinking, which was fundamentally the warning signal of something going wrong.

Ron's smile promptly went away and was replaced by a pout. "Sorry my smiling was annoying."

Harry gently lay down his fork and looked at Ron gently. "We weren't annoyed Ron. It's just that we're worried. What's going on with you?"

"Nothing," he answered a little too quickly. "Nothing. Alejandro just hasn't been working lately."

I wrinkled my nose. "Alejandro?"

"He changed it to a better name after yesterday's pregnant ordeal. He said his flute deserved it," Harry explained. He then turned back to Ron. "Ron, I thought we fixed it yesterday. You checked it yourself."

"Yes I know Harry," Ron growled, showing a different emotion. Unfortunately it was irritation. "You just don't understand. It doesn't feel the same as it used to."

I glared at Harry before he could ignite Ron's passionate rage.

I could understand Ron to a certain point. Most instrumentalists were used to their own instrument, and any other brand would feel weird to their fingers. Ron's flute was still the same though, so I guess it was just the fact that he threw it at Malfoy that got him all depressed.

I grabbed Ron's hand again. "Ron, be happy with Alejandro. He looks brand new after all, and we just fixed him yesterday."

Ron snatched his hand away. "You don't understand either Hermione."

I gave him a stern look. "Ronald Wealsey, there is no way that I will allow you to sulk on the first day of Operation Thong, ok?"

Ron glared at me for two seconds and nodded.

I smiled and continued to devour my sausage. Harry stared at me approvingly and patted Ron on the back.

I smiled again as we got up and headed towards Gryffindor tower. Today would be one delicious day for revenge, and Snape won't even know who did it.

We were going to make him pay.

……………………………………………………

I couldn't believe it.

We had only left the Great Hall ten minutes ago, and I was already irritated.

"Ron, we discussed the plan for at least two hours last night," I said, not hesitating to add an irritated puff.

"Well, I'm sorry Miss-I'm-Head-Girl-therefore-I-know-everything, but some of us had a little bit of a tragedy happen to us last night," Ron growled in return.

"We fixed it!" I yelled, stomping my foot on the ground for effect.

"It's not the same!" he yelled back.

"Okay, EVERYONE STOP!" Harry yelled, getting in between us. "We came up here to get the stuff, so we're going to get the stuff." Harry then looked at me. "Hermione go, now."

At Harry's tone, all I could do was move obediently to the Head Girl Dorm while they waited in the common room.

Harry waited until I left to say, "What is your problem?"

Ron looked indignant. "I don't know what the plan is."

"Ron, it's simple. We take the thongs to Snape's room this morning along with a camera. Then, we wait until tomorrow to see the results," Harry explained patiently.

"What results?" asked Ron, rubbing his temples.

Harry sighed. "We'll see what happens when Snape gets a whole bunch of bright colored thongs thrown at his face. He has a phobia for them remember."

"No," said Ron, shaking his head.

Right then, I came back down.

"Got it," I said cheerfully.

"Good. Let's go," Harry said as we left for the Potions room.

I followed out after Harry and Ron and let out a small giggle.

Wait until Snape finds what we're doing for him.

………………………………..

"Hey look, this one has a bow on the back!" Blaise yelled.

We were currently in an abandoned classroom on the second floor. Harry thought it would be a good place to meet, since Ron used to make out with Lavender in this room and never got caught.

"And it's pink. Now that's sexy," Draco nodded approvingly. "Seriously Granger, where did you get these?"

"From nowhere," I replied a little too quickly.

"Hey look, Harry. This one is black and lacy," Ron said enthusiastically, holding it up in the air. "I wonder if Susan wears one of these."

"I doubt it," Harry said with a grin.

Ron put the thong back in the bag and looked at Blaise, who was currently looking at a yellow and pink one shaped like a butterfly. "I thought we were just going to throw pink thongs at him."

Blaise shook his head. "Well, not exactly. You see, Snape has an underwear phobia. He hates the pink thongs the most though, which is why this bright pink number will do just fine." He then waved the thong around a bit before putting it back in the bag.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Harry.

Harry grinned and took a dark purple thong with sheer yellow stars out of the bag for examination. "Wait, so if Snape has a fear of underwear, then how does he deal with putting his own on."

There was a slight pause.

"He doesn't," Blaise and Malfoy said simultaneously.

Harry and Ron looked at each other.

"Oh, Merlin, Oh, geez…"

"Oh the mental images! My eyes!"

"Guys grow up," I scolded while suppressing my own mental images. No wonder Snape's cloaks billow more than usual cloaks. He likes the breeze when he's going…when he's going… _commando_.

A couple of moments of silence went by before Harry asked, "So how are we going to get him to the place that you guys set up?"

Blaise smirked. "Well, that was our original problem, and Draco and I almost decided not to go through with this particular prank because of it. However, we found that particular contraption hidden in a room close to the Transfiguration classroom." He pointed to the farthest corner of the room.

Harry and I looked over our shoulders and gasped at what we saw.

The object looked slightly menacing in the gloomy darkness of the room. It held certain solid square pose, and wasn't normally found in the wizarding world. In other words… it was weird.

"A shopping cart?" Harry and I asked simultaneously.

"A what?" Ron, Blaise, and Malfoy asked at the same time.

"A shopping cart," I repeated. "Muggles use it to put goods and such in after shopping at a super market."

All the "purebloods" in the room looked at Harry and I with a blank expression. This, of course, led to another one of our moments of silence.

"Dammit Blaise," Malfoy said, breaking the silence. "Just take your galleons." He then proceeded to throw a small crimson bag towards Blaise who caught it was ease.

I looked at Blaise with a raised eyebrow.

Blaise turned and grinned at me. "We made a bet," he explained. "He thought it was a muggle torture device and I thought it was a normal everyday thing. I won thanks to you and boy wonder."

I smiled and rolled my eyes at him.

"How those two haven't gotten married, I have no idea," I heard Malfoy mutter under his breath.

I rolled my eyes again.

Blaise did as well before he closed up the thong bag.

I scratched my head. "I'm sorry guys, but how are you two planning on using the shopping cart?"

Malfoy perked up. "Well, we were going to repeatedly hit him with it, but since it's not a torture device, then we were going to find a way for him to ride around and take a tour of the dungeon in it."

"With the thongs," Blaise added.

"Cool," Ron said with undisguised admiration.

Blaise stared at Ron for a short second before smirking. "This is going to be fun."

……………………………………………………………….

This was stupid. We've been at the entrance to the dungeon for twenty minutes and the only thing we've accomplished is two arguments, a bruised leg for Ron, and two broken thong straps.

"This is dumb," Harry sighed in frustration.

"Well, it wouldn't be dumb if you would have just agreed to be used as bait," Malfoy retorted.

"Well sorry, Malfoy, if I didn't think that putting a thong over my school uniform and offering him a donut was the best way to lure him out of his chambers," Harry said between gritted teeth.

"You know, if Miss prude Granger over there agreed to do it then I wouldn't have asked you," Malfoy said, gripping the shopping carts handle bars.

"Excuse me, but I don't want to parade myself around in front of Snape with a pink thong when he's the teacher who is trying to make sure I get a job at the wizarding sanitation agency," I said with a bit of a huff. "And, if you think that plan is worth doing, then why don't you do it. Pink suits your coloring perfectly."

"I'm not a girl!" he exclaimed.

"Neither am I!" yelled Harry.

"Yeah, riiiiiiiiight," said Draco with a smirk and a sideways glance at Harry.

"Blaise," I whispered as I turned towards him with a exasperated look.

His response was to look at me in horror and point to Ron.

I smiled. "Ron."

Ron whipped around. "No."

"But Ron," I said, pouting a little.

"No," he repeated a bit firmer. "It's bad enough my flute will never be the same again, but if I have to wear that thing, then I will never be the same again either."

"Pertrificus Totalus," Malfoy whispered before Ron knew what was coming.

Harry punched him. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?"

"Well, we needed someone and he seemed like he could pull off a pink thong," Draco explained.

"He's a red head," Blaise pointed out.

I smirked. "Well aren't you quite the metro."

"Shut up Granger. Draco was the one who said that red heads never look good in pink," Blaise retorted.

"Well, that was until the little Weasley," Draco said, crossing his arms and scowling.

If Ron could actually change his expressions, he would be glaring daggers at Malfoy right now. Harry pinched himself a couple of times, and I sighed, backed up against the wall and started hitting my head against it repeatedly.

Malfoy rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm to pull me towards Ron. "Granger, we don't need you dying-."

"That's not what you said that time you threw me off the Astronomy Tower."

"-now. We need you to mobilize Weasley to the door of Snape's chambers," Draco said matter of factly.

I pulled my arm away. "No."

Draco rolled his eyes again. "Okay, then I'll do it." He then flicked his wand and lifted Ron into an awkward position.

"Malfoy, put him down," I hissed harshly. "You are the biggest prat I know. Why can't you just come up with another plan instead of sticking with this dumb one?" I started lightly jogging as he sped up his pace.

"Because, Granger, this plan is brilliant. Deal with it," he replied through gritted teeth.

"Malfoy, put him down or I will!" I screeched, looking back to see if I had Harry as back up. He was walking at a brisk pace while Blaise was pushing the cart along.

Why, I have no idea.

"Fine, you asked for it," I growled before pushing Malfoy into the wall and unfreezing Ron.

He landed on the hard stone floor with a loud thump and groaned. As he got up, he was gingerly rubbing his tailbone. "Oy, Hermione, you could've at least cushioned my fall a bit."

I smiled but didn't get to reply. Suddenly, there was a loud creak, and the wall on the right side of where we were standing opened to reveal a slightly pissed Professor Snape. He lifted an eyebrow and gave us all the once over.

The last thing he saw was Ron's pink thong.

Snape's eyes widened, then his eyebrow started twitching, and then he started hyperventilating.

"Um, Malfoy, why is Snape about to have a seizure?" Harry asked, backing away from the door.

"He didn't have a seizure last time," I heard Blaze whisper.

"Well, last time we had a blue tho-…oh, maybe that's why he didn't freak out as much," said Malfoy thoughtfully.

I shot a curse at him. "Why didn't you tell us?"

Malfoy touched the place in between his eyes and felt the extra toe growing there. "I didn't have much time to think now did I?"

"Uh guys," Blaise said.

"You had more than a few hours to think!" I yelled with my arms flailing in the air.

"Guys," Blaise said again, turning the shopping cart around.

"There are more important things to think about than how to scare Snape with a pink thong!" Malfoy yelled louder with his arms flailing more dangerously.

"GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" yelled Blaise as he took off with break neck speed down the dungeon hallway.

I looked at Blaise in confusion as Harry and Ron sped past me. I then whipped my head around to barely miss Snape grabbing for my head.

"I HATE PINK THONGS!" he yelled, almost as if he were belting a war call.

I quickly turned around and headed down the hallway. I caught a glimpse of Malfoy's robes as he turned a corner and followed suit, Snape only a couple of feet behind me.

As I turned another corner, I hung on to the hope that we only had another corner turn before we were home free. It was just a stones throw away. We would make it. We would…

"INFLAMARA!"

Blaise, who was about to turn the corner, almost had a run in with the wall as he veered sharply to the right to avoid Snape's flame charm.

"We have to take the other way around!" Blaise yelled as he whirled the cart back on course.

"Way to state the obvious!" yelled Malfoy as he tried to jump into the cart.

Blaise pushed him out and almost caused a collision. "Stop being sarcastic when we're being chased by a madman and RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU NNNNNNNNNNNN!"

After Blaise's urgent yell, we sped up and managed to make it around the next corner before Snape could fire it up. We then ran a detour route until finally, we saw the stairs. I sped up even more as hope spread through my body.

Then the unthinkable happened.

As Blaise whirled the cart so he could push it up the stairs, Harry and Ron tried stopping before hitting it. Their momentum wouldn't allow it, so they had to jump into the cart to keep from colliding with it. This caused the cart to jerk, which led to the cart moving backwards.

"Get out you two!" Blaise yelled so he could handle the cart.

His cry was made in vain, however. As the cart headed backwards, Blaise had no choice but to jump in as well.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Malfoy grab the cart!" I screamed in a last ditch attempt to save them.

Malfoy, however, was too late, and the only thing he managed was grabbing onto the cart before it headed down the corridor.

Now this was when I was faced with a problem. I could go and rat everyone out by going for help. That was probably the better choice seeing as how all the boys would probably break something by the time this ordeal was over. My other choice was that I could follow them and try playing the hero in the hopes that at least Harry and Ron would survive.

Of course, I chose the latter.

I made a sharp left and managed to catch Malfoy's robe tail before he was too far gone. This was a bad idea seeing as I had to run at the same speed as the cart. I would most likely trip if I kept going on like this. That left me with no choice.

I had jump onto the cart.

"Are you bloody insane!" Malfoy asked as I joined in holding on to the rim next to him.

"Well, Malfoy, it was either jumped or be dragged around behind you lot," I replied tartly.

"FIRE!" Ron suddenly yelled.

"We're not on fire, Ron," I replied as patiently as I could on a speeding cart.

"No, FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE!" he yelled again.

It took me a little longer to figure it out, but once I caught the extremely bright light and the heat, I knew what Ron was talking about. Up ahead, the fire that Snape left for us moments before was still burning.

"We're going to die!" Blaise said in agony.

"Well, guys, it's been realm" Harry said solemnly, excepting his fate.

"Hey, I've got a wand! I"VE GOT A WAND!" Malfoy triumphantly yelled, holding his wand arm in the air. He then pointed at the fire and put it out.

Right when the fire went out, we were in for a rude awakening. The stone walls that we had tried so hard to avoid hit the cart, knocked it over, and knocked us all down with it.

The last thing I remember seeing was Ron being kicked by Snape and the sound of a thong snapping.

…………………………………………………….

"Excuse me Severus, can you please explain this to me again."

"Explain what Minerva? They tried to kill me!"

"With a pink thong?"

"Yes!"

"For Merlin's sakes Severus, no one loses their minds like that over a pink thong."

"Well, if Weasley wasn't wearing it, then maybe I wouldn't have chased after them."

"With a shopping cart?"

"No. Zabini had the shopping cart. I have no idea why."

……….

"Don't give me that look Minerva, especially after hearing about their adventures with pregnancies and centaurs."

………..

"Will you stop!"

"I just don't understand why you had a Malfoy-like rampage over a couple of thongs."

"Okay, 1) I didn't have a bed post, and 2) they had a whole bag full."

"Now, tell me how these boys and Granger would find a whole bag of thongs."

"I don't know. Maybe you should ask Granger. And just so you know, I think that previous experiences should remind you that Granger isn't that innocence."

"Right, because just like Malfoy, she makes out in every available room in this school."

"Excuse me, but making out in every available room in this school is pretty disgusting."

McGonagall sighed. "Nice to see that you're up Mr. Malfoy."

I then opened my eyes and groaned. Malfoy would need some back up.

"Nice to see that you're up too Miss Granger," McGonagall said with a little more enthusiasm.

"Thank you, Professor."

Malfoy rolled his eyes at this.

Snape growled.

"Honestly Severus, at least keep some professionalism," McGonagall said in exasperation.

Snape pouted. "Well, excuse me if I have no right to animalistic hostility after almost dying."

"You almost died? _We_ almost died!" Ron said as he sat up. The wave of nausea he received after getting up persuaded him to lie back down.

"Ron, we didn't almost died, we almost became mentally retarded," Harry said with a groan as he slowly sat up. Blaise opened his eyes so he could be a good witness to what was going on.

"I'm already insane because of you lot," Snape said as he started pacing and rubbing his temples.

"Who decided to put them together?" asked McGonagall smugly.

Snape glared.

McGonagall ignored him. "So, do I need to ask for an explanation?"

All of us looked at each other and realized we couldn't admit to it without admitting that we tried pulling a prank on Snape. So, instead of offering an explanation, we responded with a good simultaneous, "No."

McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Very well, and this time, if you use anything in this room as a weapon, I will ask Snape to assign you all an extra credit assignment."

The mental images of all the trouble we would get into if that happened made everyone shudder. McGonagall saw this and left slightly satisfied.

Once she was gone, Blaise spoke. "Yeah, so what the hell did we just do?"

"Well, we got some thongs, you guys found a shopping cart and-."

"Shut up Weasley. That question was completely rhetorical," Malfoy said sourly. As he said this, I noticed that the extra toe I gave him in the middle of his face was gone. The bald spot he received yesterday was still there though.

"No, the question wasn't rhetorical," said Blaise. "I mean, this time we didn't even try to kill each other. It just sort of happened. And this time, we knocked Snape off his rocker, not Malfoy."

"I think things like that happen for a reason. We just aren't meant to be together," said Harry as he cleaned his glasses.

"Of course we're not. But now, it's to late to switch groups. This is it," I grumbled as I rubbed my head and discovered a little bump on the left side.

"Who the hell came up with that idea in the first place?" asked Harry.

"What idea Potter?" asked Blaise as he propped himself up.

"The idea of luring him out with a pink thong so we could get him into the shopping cart. I think the whole decorating his room thing was a really nice prank," Harry replied.

"Potter, you're so boring," sighed Malfoy.

"Well, Malfoy, you're exiting idea landed us back into the hospital wing," I retorted before Harry could.

"Oh do shut up Granger. Any plan involving Snape is bound to land us in here," he sighed again.

"Then why did we do it in the first place?" asked Ron while smacking his head. He then realized it wasn't a good idea once his head started throbbing.

"Would you like a list Weasley? Should I remind you of the apple, the rubber band, the muffin, the butt perfume, the Astronomy Tower, the-."

"Okay, I get it. Merlin, We've gone through all that in such a sort bit of time," Ron said in awe.

"Well, time flies when you're fighting for your life," Harry said grimly.

"That's just a tad bit dramatic," Blaise said. "The worst we could've gotten was a concussion or mental retardation and brain damage. It's up to you to decide which one is less painful."

"So, plan failed then," Ron said with a slight grin on his face. His grin evaporated once he saw that we were all glaring daggers at him.

"I don't think I ever want to try that again. No more pranking Snape," I said. "We would risk our lives everyday if we did that."

"No, we're going to get him. It's just going to take some time," Harry said with a gleam in his eye.

"Wow, Harry. I do believe you just sounded diabolical," I said between giggles.

Harry nodded, and another one of our awkward silences ensued. During those few minutes, the group spent the time looking at the white wall, asking what they did to be put in this situation, and pondering about dinner.

Blaise was the first to break the silence.

"Um, Granger, who's thongs were those?" he asked.

"Yeah. I think McGonagall was right about asking you where you got the thongs from," Harry said.

"Nowhere," I said a little too quickly.

"Oh c'mon. You had to have made some sort of bet with some girl in order to get them," said Ron, perking up a bit.

"I got them from nowhere," I said a little firmer.

"I bet they were from Lavender," Harry said. "That girl cannot wear regular underwear."

"And you would know, Potter," Draco said with an amused smirk.

"If you knew Lavender well, you would know that you didn't need to be her boyfriend to know what type of underwear she was wearing," Harry said with a smirk of his own. "And plus, Hermione would never wear a thong."

Excuse me.

"Yeah, she's too prudish," Ron said.

Oh, I am going to kill him. Those thongs were one hundred percent mine.

"Not that we didn't already know she was prudish," Malfoy said, his smirk getting bigger. "We wouldn't be asking her if we already knew that the thongs belonged to her."

"They are mine!" I said in frustration.

Blaise blinked. "I don't believe you."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh course you don't. I don't feel the need to tell every male in this school about my underwear."

Ron blinked. "So you owned every single thong in the bag?"

"Yes!" I said with exasperation.

Harry blinked. "Why?"

"Because they're cute and no panty lines," I said tartly.

Malfoy blinked. "So they're you're thongs?"

"Yes! All the thongs ranging from the purple to the pink one are mine!" I hissed.

…………..

"So, they're yours?" Blaise asked

I sighed and basically gave up after that.

………………………………………………

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed. I know it's been a while. Well, I guess their plan for Snape really didn't work out. I was going back and forth between whether or not it should succeed and wrote several different drafts with different outcomes, but this one was the one I ended up picking. Why? Well, I had a similar but less dramatic shopping cart incident when I went grocery shopping last week. Hope everyone enjoyed.


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